Wanting to go home, when we are home

dqtraub

Everyday my 80 year old husband with moderate dementia, wants to know how he is going to get home. We live in a home in the same community that we have had several houses. We have lived here for 4 years.

I try to explain that we are home, he says no. I tell him not today, he says he can’t stay here. I have tried to divert his attention. I have gotten angry, I have argued. I am out of options.

Any suggestions. He does take Sertraline (Zoloft).

M1

welcome to the forum. Talk to his docs. There’s no reasoning with this, he might benefit from the addition of an atypical antipsychotic like Seroquel if Risperdal to further tamp down his agitation. This is a delusion of sorts.

sherryandwilliam

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70657/wanting-to-go-home-when-we-are-home

Isn't that a problem that their mind goes in the past and thinking of previous homes you lived In, I guess you are supposed to agree with them and say you, willl go later. Very frustrating for you good luck handling it.

easy23

Home to my DH used to change every day. Sometimes it was his childhood home, sometimes his bachelor apartment, other times army barracks. Unfortunately, his requests to go home caused wandering which ultimately led to his placement in MC.

SDianeL

The only thing that may work is saying you will go tomorrow. Make up a fib about why you can’t go home. As you have found, no amount of arguing or trying to reason with him will work. His reasoner is broken. I would talk to his doctor.

sandwichone123

I've heard that it can be helpful to respond to the feeling rather than the facts. What will he do when he gets home? Who will be there? If you ask him about those elements you can provide assurance (while letting him know we can't go tonight, but…). For instance, if he wants to see his family member (even long deceased), you can assure him that they're not at home right now but they sent their love, etc.

KathyF1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70657/wanting-to-go-home-when-we-are-home

My DH was doing the same thing. Every day about 5pm he would go on for hours about going home to the town he grew up in. Talked of his parents , thinking they are still there. We started Seroquel and it helped tremendously. 50 mg, 3 times a day. He also became much more willing to shower in the mornings. Game changer!

mathreader

It's harder than people let on. My DH goes through it most days, and usually after 5PM. Last year we moved off of our boat after living on it for 9 years. Previously we have always lived in a house. We, wisely I believe, rented a house for a year to figure out what is going on. We have been here since December. Every night he asks me when we are going to "the other house" or when we can go home, etc. He has even asked me if we can get arrested for being in this house! He gets agitated when I explain the situation. The lease will be signed again in October, and I tell him this is home now, but he doesn't believe me or he worries that we will be homeless. So many people say to just basically lie to him, but he is aware most of the time and I'm not ready to do that. He is declining for sure, today not remembering that our son was our son and asking if our son had any brothers (which he does). I know there will be a time when telling him a fib will work, but not yet. It's hard enough telling the truth and having him upset.