The slow goodbye to my hero

Sherrie0512

Not sure where to begin or if this forum will be helpful, but I've got to try. New here, my dad was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers about a year and a half ago. He was forced into early retirement as the job became too much. Watching my dad, who's way to young, slowly get worse is the hardest thing ever. I've been lucky to have support AR work allowing me to spend time with him weekly. He used to cancel on me early on, but now I think he really looks forward to it despite not remembering what we did week to week. My dad has always been the strong, intelligent and supportive man. He is aware of what is happening to the extent that he openly discusses and will say things like, I'm sure we've already talked about this to the more sad things like, don't be alarmed when I give you a blank stare of unknown. Those are the hardest times, seeing his memory slip week after week more and more. The false memories created by blending an old memory with a new memory tare at your heart. Just a really really hard and difficult time, and hoping to find some advice or stories from those who have experienced or are experiencing to help get me through the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Sorry for the long post...a daughter who's holding on to every last good moment left with her hero.

SusanB-dil

Hi Sherrie0512 - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

My heart goes out to you, and yes, you will find a lot of information and commiseration here on this forum. It is very hard to see a LO decline in such a way.

And I do want to mention to get paperwork in order - DPOA and HIPPA accesses will be so very invaluable in the future. and also do not neglect to take care of yourself.

Take pics now and remember the good things.

H1235

Welcome. This is a great place to come with questions, concerns, venting, or to just share your heartbreak. It’s a rough road.

mabelgirl

you don’t specify ages of you and your dear dad , there are some threads on here with younger folks dealing with EO. I think there is a much more sad aspect when the ages are younger. I’m 65 and my mom is 84 , she didn’t have EO but it’s a hard to witness her decline week after week. Some days she seems really ok and then others like yesterday were very sad when she asked me if she had lost a child. She had and could you imagine when I said yes how she must felt for that brief moment? It brought tears to my eyes. So I switched the subject and it was forgotten just as quickly. The disease thankfully doesn’t allow her to wallow in it. You do have a silver lining in your situation as your dad is aware of his shortcomings where my mom and many others can not see theirs and causes other additional grief and frustration. Hug your dad , make memories for your family, learn as much as you can as to what lies ahead, be sure legalities are in place asap , try to celebrate the time you have more than what’s being lost.
Prayers for peace.

Sherrie0512

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/223322#Comment_223322

Thank you...46 and 65. Appreciate the words.

Lucy C

Sherrie, it really is the hardest thing. Be gentle to yourself and your messy emotions—this is a roller coaster ride that nobody wants to be on. I can only say, no matter what you find yourself feeling from moment to moment and day to day, there is no wrong way to feel. Grief is messy, period, and when we deal with dementia, we're often dealing with a long, long, long process of grief. It's exhausting: our bodies literally get sick and tired. So as you go through it, try to make a point to regularly do something nice for you. Focus on supporting your body so that it can support your mind. Don't hesitate to benefit from professional grief counseling if you feel yourself slipping downward.

I think if you "come" regularly, you'll find some helpful support here. One of the aspects of dementia that's hard to deal with is the feeling of isolation that it produces, even to people who aren't primary caregivers. Those who haven't been through it with a loved one don't really have a way to understand the unique emotional challenges that it creates. It is isolating: too often, we feel that we're grieving alone. So a community like this can be a great comfort.

By the way, did you ever make a "fort" out of a blanket thrown over a card table when you were little? Maybe even tucked a few pillows underneath it to sit on? Think of this forum as that old blanket fort, and you can crawl in here, and share cookies and potato chips, and nobody minds the crumbs. ❤️