Boy do I need help

callasmom

this is my first post. My 78 yr old DH is full into dementia. He had a stroke a few years ago then ended up in the hospital with Covid and pneumonia for a week. He was very delusional there and carried on when home. He is able to dress, do all personal hygiene, he can do pretty much all he’s even driving with the 6 month testing. The issues are memory which is so bad, he struggles with decisions and problem solving so I look after everything, banking, any household decisions etc. The biggest issues right now are he confuses delusion with reality and he’s seeing ghosts at night , faces in the tv when it’s off, he thinks I abscond with “ his” money. He has been hyper fixated on sex..but meds seem to be helping a bit. He is on what he refers to as his “ stupid pill”. . He isn’t violent, nasty, some days he’s almost himself. I really struggle with not being a right fighter..but it’s so ha4d to be told I’m mean to him or I said or did something I didn’t do. Last night he said for me to put him in a home it was too much for me..I am a retired health professional and I dealt with disabilities and health mental h3alth and dementia patients so I know how to care for him but having him as my husband makes it harder. I will be starting counselling through the Alzheimer’s society and he has a dr at the geriatric clinic at our hospital who we see regularly. I just need to talk I guess..I do have support from a best friend close to me. And I have personal therapists. But I feel lost, scared n all over the place. 😔

M1

welcome, you’ve come to a good place for advice and support. If he’s delusional I would worry tremendously about his driving. Glad he’s being assessed on that regularly, but it’s still worrisome. Is there any adult day program near you? Or would he accept an aide so that you can get some breaks?

jfkoc

Hi Callas….

Sound like your husband is having hallucinations as well as having delusions.

Has a through diagnosis been made that follows all of the steps in current protocol?

Being a health care professional does not help much for being the caregiver of a person with dementia Many who post here have made that clear.

This is a hard journey and the best advice I can give you is to start fresh…Dementia 101. Studies have shown that what we do is as important as giving drugs.

Go to the top of the page..purple bar and select groups. I think there is a book list there somewhere.

Also go to alz.org and read everything.

We are here 24/7 to listen as well as share information/possible solutions. We care…use us!

Biggles

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70687/boy-do-i-need-help

I am in a very similar situation, DH is relatively independent and not yet incontinent which I’m not looking forward to. He had a stroke then aphasia and now vascular dementia. Hasn’t been driving for 2 years and it was heart breaking listening to him trying to answer Dr’s questions for yet another medical level. It’s lonely, socialising isolating and virtually impossible and very uncomfortable to have friends. I have a very close friend 400kls away so it’s phone calls and DM thinks I’m conspiring against him so I have to cut calls short. People, friends and even family (who are busy with their lives) don’t understand. I cry every day.

Biggles

PS this is my first post too my DH will be 77 in November I am scared and not looking forward to anything much at the moment

DavidWest

Im 62 with early stage Lewy Body Dementia. I go to three support groups. Some are online. Care givers need support & time to hang out with other care givers. Contact the Alzheimer's Association to find available support groups.

SDianeL

so sorry you are going through this. We know exactly how you feel. A nurse recommended the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. It helped me look at my husband as my patient and me his nurse. That way I would remember that it was the disease talking and not him. We were no longer husband and wife. It’s heartbreaking. 🥲

sherryandwilliam

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70687/boy-do-i-need-help

It is quite the journey. The beginning of my husband's alzheimer I was in a state where I couldn't believe it was really happening and couldn't sleep because it was on my mind so much. Now I it’s been going on for so many years I am just taking one day at a time. I feel for you and your struggles glad you can get your feelings out here and are understood

DavidWest

There are multiple ways to get support: in person care givers support, online support groups, 24 hour help line, personal therapist who understands terminal diagnoses. Reach out. Don't do this journey alone. We are a community eager to support each other.