legal issues

jennkatx

people say to get power of attorney, but because of his dementia he, my husband, can't hand it over to me. I've talked to several lawyers, and they say no. The only way to get custodianship is to take him to court in front of everyone he knows, it's a small town, and have him deemed incompetent. I can't do that to him. So, I'm going through the VA and have him tested there to give me a voice in his care. They deal with all his medical needs. I've been handling the bills for years, it's a joint account, so not really concerned in that aspect. We are going to add my son on it so, if needed, he can have access to it.

as for never winning an argument with him or talking to him extensively, I'm a talker so if he can understand me or not, I'll just keep talking. my son hates going to Walmart with me because I'll talk to everyone, even if I don't know them.

jsps139_

Hi, and glad you posted what’s going on so others can understand how important it is to get these legal matters taken care of very early in this disease.
Sorry you are dealing with this, but it sounds like you have a plan.

terei

Can he sign his name? Will he sign his name? Dont give information about your H’s condition. It is very simple to have a DPOA form filled out + taken to a notary where it is ‘sign here’ ‘sign here’. notarized and done. I wanted extra original, notarized POAs which I had done in front of a notary at the bank where I told my mom ‘sign here, mom’. done and done

If he can sign and wont act out or resist, you should be able to finesse this

jfkoc

"a durable power of attorney always has to be notarized. This is an important document that has to go to the notary process to verify that everyone understands the information included in the form. In addition, the notary will be responsible for making sure the form has been filled out properly. Because this is a significant decision, everyone needs to understand exactly what is being signed. This is the role of the notary."

The person signing must understand the document. Lack of this can lead to some serious legal problems. This is why 2 attorneys have said no.

Please understand the difference between a POA and a DPOA.

SDianeL

I’m glad I took the advice and got the DPOA while my DH still could read, understand and sign documents. Within 6 months he could no longer do so. But the only time I needed the DPOA was to rent an apartment, sell our RV and trade in our car. All other things I handled as his spouse next of kin. The VA has a great Caregiver Support Group and stipend for caregivers.

jennkatx

oooh ok how do i get the dpoa document. thanks

jfkoc

you can start here;

https://www.alz.org/professionals/health-systems-medical-professionals/management/advanced-care-planning

towhee

Regardless of whether you can get DPOA for your husband, it would be a good idea to give your son DPOA for you. He needs to be put on your bank account as POA not as a co-owner. Putting him on as co-owner could cause problems down the line for Medicaid for yourself as well as your husband. We do not know what the future holds.

harshedbuzz

You need some sort of ability to act—legally— on your spouse's behalf. And the documents need to name your DS (or another trusted individual) as a successor in case you get run over in the Walmart parking lot and die. One third of caregivers died before their PWD does— please don't leave this mess for your son to clean up while he's grieving the loss of his mother.

The bar for signing a DPOA is fairly low. The CELA explained what the document said, and dad signed it. Done and done. Had he not, we would have pursued guardianship.

My aunt did this for her sister in both ME and MA. A friend of mine did this for his dad in PA. The process was fairly straightforward. In each case the judge ordered a comprehensive cognitive exam which demonstrated need. Other family members were contacted for input which was considered. My aunt (PWD) was assigned a guardian ad litem to protect her interests and my friend's dad, who had boatloads of cognitive reserve as a retired scientist, hired his own representation. They and my mom's CELA all report that the matter is handled discretely and without humiliating the PWD at the county courthouse rather than the local magistrate. This is a more expensive process, so I would find a CELA to discuss options. The DPOA is considerably cheaper.

I wouldn't moving money around or add people to accounts without consulting a CELA.

Dementia is nothing shameful.

HB

jennkatx

I'm going to get the dpoa, and help from the VA. as for the bank account the money coming in has his name on it and can't be changed i.e. military, pension and social security. he cant get to the bank and I control the checks and debit card. I am going to add my son to the account just in case.

barbara sabatini

What help did you get from the va