Hello

Ghhhhhhh

....

Whyzit2

Wow, I’m wondering why you are allowing or even enabling him to go into this dangerous situation. Disable his computer and let this “new friend “ know that he is not to contact your LO nor bring his instrument to play at your home. Time for you to take charge! Get your guy into a day program and keep him ( and you) safe.

SDianeL

he should not be left alone any time. Period. Disable his computer and phone and stop him from contacting strangers. You and he are at risk of scams or worse. You must take control. Your husband can no longer think clearly. Tell the visitor about your husbands condition and tell him he cannot come anymore. If he continues to come, call the police and press charges for trespassing.

harshedbuzz

@Abmermaid3

This is a really dangerous situation. You need to take the steps to protect your husband and yourself.

The first thing I would do it shut down the internet access (shut down the WiFi/change password/slip devices into Airplane mode/flip phone) and lock down the finances. You might need to go as far as to drain joint accounts and open new ones he doesn't know. I would also have mail sent to a PO box if he's reading statements.

I would suggest reaching out to his doctor regarding medication to tamp down the sundowning and agitation towards you. A geri psych might be the best option for this.

FTD brings additional challenges to caregiving. The assertion that he's autistic and has ADHD may be something he believes from hanging on the internet. There is considerable overlap in symptoms (lack of empathy, sensory changes, loss of social filter, poor executive function, difficulty focusing) between the conditions and maybe he's self-diagnosed himself as such. Becoming gay? That may be a function of the disease process or the disinhibition that goes with dementia. There's a possibility that this man and their band are a conflated memory and not someone that actually exists.

The situation seems urgent as you describe it. TBH, if this surgery is of a more elective nature, I would postpone and shore up the situation at home before proceeding if recovery will limit your ability to care for him as well as yourself. It might be best to get him into a day program/introduce HHAs (perhaps saying they're to help you recover), get him effectively medicated and your legal stuff/finances secured before the surgery. BTW, you'll need to appoint someone else as your medical advocate asap.

Mom was hospitalized twice in the year before dad was finally diagnosed and sh!t went sideways both times. In fact, it was the ensuing disasters that finally led my mom to consent to having him evaluated. For her October TKR, dad got lost trying to find the hotel in which he was going to stay. He called me and I tried to walk him through it as the hotel was directly across the street of the specialty hospital in which she was staying according to Google Street view. He slept in his car instead. The nurses figured this out and brought him a sleeping recliner and meals for the duration. He stepped out the second day of her admission and bought a new Ford Taurus at full MSRP and with a lousy interest rate (mom did the household bills and has a great credit rating). The second time mom went into liver failure, and he failed to recognize how sick she was and didn't take her to the ER as directed by her PCP because he wanted to go out to dinner instead. She nearly died. I flew down and found him hosting neighborhood happy hour wearing only a bath towel.

If your surgery can't be postponed, perhaps a respite stay in a MCF could be arranged or someone could stay with him.

HB