Rough visit wit mom

H1235

It started with her wanting me to take her to the store. She just likes to buy crazy things she does not need. If we let her she would fill her apartment. She gets mad if we don’t take her to the store and mad when we do and don’t let her buy whatever she wants. I told her I was busy and didn’t have time. She says they lost one of her bras and so now she wants to wash as much stuff out by hand as she can. I get it, it’s annoying, but that stuff happens. She can’t let it go. She even wants me to bring her a bucket to wash things in( not going to happen). Then she tells me she wants me to bring her all of her junk mail(to hoard). She wants to know what is going to happen when her money runs out ( I don’t even know, probably sell the house, but there is no way I can tell her that). She tells me there is no reason she shouldn’t be able to live in her house and have someone come in to check on her every now a then. I get sucked into the conversation and remind her the doctor said she should not live alone (she accepted it at the time, but not now). Says how can a doctor say that after a 15 min visit(it was a 2 hour evaluation). She wants a straight answer about why she can’t at least go visit her house (we just had an estate sale and are already getting things around for the next, she would want to bring boxes and boxes back to her apartment and repeat and the next visit). I had just spent all day working on her house (so overwhelming). She says keeping her from her house is wrong and we are not treating her fairly. She demands to see her last bank statement. Not sure what I’m going to do there. She starts crying saying something about quality of life vs quantity of life and says she just wants to go to visit her house. She blames me for everything. I said I’m sorry mom I’m not going to argue with you I need to leave. I got so upset I forgot to go to the bathroom and thin out the stack of empty toilet paper rolls she is saving. I also forgot to ask staff if she needs more laundry detergent. They changed her depression medication. It’s taking way too long to get it figured out. I don’t really have a question I just need to vent. This is just all so overwhelming. When we moved my mil with Alzheimer’s in to AL she never mentioned her things and never complained about anything. This was not what I expected! What a day!

M1

You definitely had your hands full- but sounds like you handled it just fine. When my partner would get after me, I learned to keep visits short and in public areas only, she was less likely to get after me in front of others. Maybe that would help a little?

Quilting brings calm

oh have I been there, done that. All of it. Some of it will ease as time goes on. At least it did for my mom. Yet she can still drive me crazy. As you know from my own rough day post on Monday.

It’s ok to get up and leave. ‘Got to go mom, I need to be somewhere’. It’s ok to not answer the phone. It’s ok to stay away for a few days. It’s ok to change the subject with a question about something entirely different.

You are doing the best you can. My parents’ PCP told me they weren’t going to be happy anywhere no matter what I did and that they were at least safe at the AL. That’s my goal. Safety, food, lights, medication, laundry, etc.

Editted to add: at some point, you sort of become separated emotionally from it all. The person you are taken care of seems so far removed from your mom that she’s another person. One that you aren’t as emotionally attached to. It’s a sad thing. Five years in, that’s where I’m at.