Considering moving in with parents

monstoo

Hello, we are considering moving in with our parents because mom has dementia with anger and violent outbursts. Will she trust us more if we visit at regular times, or if we move in? She is quite paranoid of her husband already, hiding things from him. And he is the kindest most submissive man.

M1

welcome to the forum. I’d think long and hard before you do this. No, familiarity will not help. She’s going to need medication to control this behavior, probably an atypical antipsychotic like Seroquel or Risperdal. Talk to her docs or take her to an ER if you think her husband is in danger, she may need hospitalization on a geriatric psychiatric ward to get the medication regulated. Does someone hold power of attorney for her?

eaglemom

I was just checking monstoo, to see what you'd decided to do. I too would think very long and hard before you make any attempt to move into her world. In your mind you are wanting that to help, which we all wish would happen. But in reality, you mom's brain isn't working properly and she more than likely won't respond to you in a wonderful manner. I'd hope she would, but…..

Let us know what you decided and how your mom is doing.

eagle

mabelgirl

From my experience with my own mother, it more than likely will not help. My mother was paranoid and nasty mean at my brothers and then at mine, even with medication. The medication did quell it some and kept the physical down. I am so happy to say now that she’s been at her ALF for a little over a month she seems much more content but she accuses her next door neighbor of trying to take things from her room. Their brain just is not able to make logical sense thus they make do with what brain they do have left to access. Since she doesn’t see herself as having any issues to her these paranoid explanations must be the reason. Please make sure her husband is safe, as she can not be trusted to her devices. Prayers for peace.

yearofthedragon

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70754/considering-moving-in-with-parents

I recommend getting her a prescription for her anger. I had to get my mom on Seroquel because she was very agitated and upset and trying to leave the house to find my deceased relatives (She walked onto the highway once to look for my dead dad). After incorporating Seroquel, she stays inside and is calmer and finds enjoyment in things that she used to. She's still having delusions but she is much less agitated by them overall.

​fesk

monstoo, you don't mention what stage or if these behaviors happened suddenly or have been going on for some time. If you haven't ruled out a medical issue for the behavior (UTI, etc.), please check into that. Once any medical issue is ruled out, a doctor should be able to help with prescribing medicine. This is trial and error and can be a lengthy process.

Perhaps you can visit for an extended stay, before you make a final decision to move in. That will give you a better idea if this is something you want to do permanently. I care for my mother at home and have gone through behavioral issues and medication adjustments to get her in what I believe is the best place possible. If you don't have a support system in place (I don't really), it can be a tremendous sacrifice. It is a lot of work as the disease progresses and can be exhausting. If you have a support system or additional help, it will make it easier. It is also emotionally difficult to watch the decline on a daily basis.

All that said, I will continue to care for my mother at home for as long as I am able. It is the right decision for us. You will find out what is the right decision for you.

Best of luck.