Introduction- looking for advice

Dmarcotte

Hello everyone - I am new to this forum and wanted to introduce myself. I have been married to my DH for 28 years and have recently become very concerned about him. I feel that he may have some form of dementia - but it has not yet been diagnosed.

He blames his symptoms on stress at work, but I disagree. I feel the stress at work has highlighted problems that already exist,but were less noticed. Things have escalated over the last 3 - 6 months in particular. (forgetting words, forgetting conversations, problems with prioritizing tasks, anger management, change in personality etc.)

He has an appointment with his general practitioner in December for a checkup, but I am wondering if that is the right place to start or should we check into a specialist.

I have no idea what to do or where to start - any advice is most welcome. :)

charley0419

I’m on this journey knowing what she has 2 yrs. I did go to our PCP , I wrote him note and told girls he must read first before appointment. After taking he suggested Nurologist and she didn’t like it and still doesn’t like going and that’s because they never have anything to say positive about illness and she thinks she’s fine with that said you need to go to Nurologist.

M1

welcome to the forum. His PCP is a good place to start, but as Charley suggested you should put your detailed concerns in writing and get it to the doc ahead of time. I would also suggest you go with him to this appointment. Treatable causes can be ruled out. Educate yourself about anosognosia—he is unlikely to realize that anything is wrong. If you don’t already have it, it’s never too soon to get your legal affairs in order, and you should hold durable power of attorney for him for healthcare and finances.

His having trouble at work is a red flag. You don’t want him to get fired for cause, as he could lose access to pension and retirement benefits if that were to happen. You should be thinking about whether he should take short term medical leave that can then become long term disability if needed.

This forum is a great place for advice and support. If you look to the right under Quick Linksxand Groups, there is one for new members with a lot of useful information.

Dmarcotte

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/224044#Comment_224044

Thanks so much for your quick response. I am already keeping a journal of what happens and when to share with whatever medical professional needs to see it - I also called his doctor and left a detailed message with the nurse - unfortunately I do not yet have power of attorney so there are some limitations in communication with the doctor - though I am working on getting all of the estate documents in order.

I am very hopeful that it is just a side effect from medication or some other cause, but I am also a firm believer in prepare for the worst/ hope for the best.

Thanks again.

Iris L.

Welcome Dmarcotte. Yes, it is a good idea to print out all medications, including OTC med, and review for cognitive and memory side effects or interactions. You can read the Beers List for meds that can be problematic in older adults.

You might discretely read his latest annual employee review, to see if there have been official warnings of poor performance. If so, he is in danger of being fired. He can take sick leave, pending completion of his medical and neurological evaluations. Sick leave usually requires only a doctor's note. If there is a medical cause, he can receive treatment and return to work, possibly with work accommodations.

If he does have a dementia, he can apply for long term disability benefits and retire from full time work. Note, he will resist all of these suggestions if he has anosognosia. You will have to use work-arounds to get things done. Learn about these from the members.

In the meantime, ride along with him and assess his driving. He may not be a safe driver.

You did not mention his age. If he is retirement age, he might take retirement instead of going through the process of applying for disability.

The entire media diagnostic process can take quite a long time. Try to speed it up. Let the doctors know that time is of the essence.

Keep reading and posting. The members are knowledgeable and willing to share.

Iris

jfkoc

Hi…

Please go to google and read everything you can on the diagnosis of Alzheimer's because it will be your responsibility to see that all steps are taken.

jsps139_

The first sign that made me aware that something was wrong was when my DH came home from work and told me the guys were telling him he is forgetting the names of the buildings. I talked him into retiring, and I used his chronic back aches as the reason. His PCP gave him the written test (drawing the clock) etc and told me she was very concerned. She convinced him to go to a neurologist just once to get a diagnosis. He had more tests and was diagnosed with advanced Alzheimer’s. That was 10 years ago.
You have found a wonderful group of people here that have helped me tremendously. It is so nice to know you are not alone.

Dmarcotte

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/224055#Comment_224055

Thanks for your suggestions - he is turning 62 in November and so technically could retire if that is the route we need to go. I will do some research on his meds. Thanks again.

WIGO23

I wish you the best. Just to forewarn, diagnosing what is going on can be frustratingly difficult. We lived in a large city with many medical resources. The first neurologist misdiagnosed my DH. The second told me to leave his office because I asked too many questions. It took us six months to get to a nationally recognized Memory Clinic 1500 miles from home. We were finally compassionately treated there; DH was thoroughly tested and a diagnosis reached. In total, it took 1 1/2 years working through the process as well as expensive travel to get the kind of care everyone should get much more easily.

I sincerely hope your journey is easier!

Dio

Agree with M1. Does your husband have sick leave or short-term disability leave at work? You may consider having your husband go on short-term leave while you sort out a diagnosis so that he doesn't get fired due to degradation in work performance, thus lose his pension.

SDianeL

Welcome. This is the place for info and support. I would put your concerns in writing to the doctor and list all the behaviors. I kept a list. Sometimes when you tell nurses things they omit part of what you say. I would ask for a referral to a Neuro Psychologist or Neurologist for testing. I didn’t say the word dementia to my husband. Be as general as you can. Tell him it’s just tests his doctor wants to do. Read all you can about the diagnosis process. It’s very difficult. Keep asking and pushing if necessary.

Iris L.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/224064#Comment_224064

Sometime the stipend for SSDI is greater than the stipend for early retirement. This is what you need to check out before making an irreversible move. However, the process for SSDI may take quite a long time. Also, there are a lot of financial decisions to be made. Would Medicaid be necessary in the future?

Iris

Iris

rockymtngrrl

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/224084#Comment_224084

I had a PCP as a child who, when I started asking questions, got really angry. I was old enough to change docs. If that happened to me like you described, I would lodge a formal complaint with the state medical board.... that seems unacceptable for a medical person to do!

Dmarcotte

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/224084#Comment_224084

Thanks so much for your kind words - I am so sorry to hear you had to struggle to get a diagnosis. We are at the beginning of our journey and I also hope it doesn't take so long - thought we have a child on the autism spectrum so I am already familiar with how difficult it can be to get the right diagnosis.