did I do the right thing placing him in MC

addy103

My husband was placed on a MC unit due to aggression. After two weeks he looks and sounds great. All he says is he wants to go home, part of me wants to take him home. It would save so much heartache and money, but I know it will all just start over again. He can't control it, can he. Should I bring him home. He's been there two weeks.

Quilting brings calm

yes, you did the right thing. No, don’t bring him home. He’s doing better for various reasons- one is that he feels safe in his new location, where there’s structure and his needs are met

Dio

Addy, Give this some time before making any decision to move him home. It's only been 2 weeks. Remember why he was placed in the first place. It's so hard on us caregivers to make these tough decisions. We carry so much guilt. I'm in somewhat of similar decision-making. Logically, I know I shouldn't bring DH home. Yet, emotionally, I feel I should. Almost everyone in my support groups are telling me no. The tip of the iceberg is worry for my safety. Wishing you clarity and a good outcome.

ProfT

Yes, you did the right thing. My wife has been in a skilled nursing facility for 7 months, and I still have pangs of guilt about whether I should have kept her home with me. I could not; I was burned out mentally and emotionally. Now when I visit her, I am more like her husband than her 24/7 caretaker.

SDianeL

You did the right thing. I would not bring him home. Things can change quickly. Remember the reasons you placed him there. Just make sure he is being well cared for. You've done all you can. Nothing to feel guilty about.

M1

remember that one of the important facets of MC is the controlled environment. You lose that if you bring him home. I wouldn’t do it.

Denise1847

Hi Addy, I get your guilt. My DH is being transferred Tuesday from the hospital to memory care. It took the hospital 2 weeks to get the right dosage of meds to get him calm and compliant. I feel the guilt and he hasn't even gone yet. I am dreading it but I know I have to. He would be so difficult to manage at home and I am already exhausted and burned out. It is the best thing for him and you but boy is it hard. Give it a couple of months I am told and things will get better.

Nowhere

The home he wants to return to might not even be the home he shared with you. My husband is thinking of his childhood home in England (which he left over sixty years ago) when he says he should probably be getting home.

Trust yourself. You would not have placed him if it weren’t absolutely necessary. I think “a part” of most every caregiver who has placed their loved one wishes and desires they could bring their spouse/partner back home, but It’s not a party at home; rather It’s a lot of solo work, with the caregiving and loving still going on, just at another place, and it certainly is quiet and lonely living apart. Neither is going to feel happy about this, but hopefully there is a sense of calm and maybe even relief. Sorry. Alzheimer’s sucks!

Wishing you peace of mind. You helped him by placing him in memory care as his behaviors indicated he required a smaller and more structured environment.