Wanting to leave the house

tbrescia0115

hello. My dad has dementia and his symptoms have been progressing the past 3 months. He is waking up in the morning wanting to get dressed and leave the house to go to work even though he no longer works. My mother is the caregiver and lives with him and when she tries to stop him from leaving he gets very nasty and can be aggressive. He claims he doesn't live there. She is holding him hostage. He is not always recognizing her as his wife even at times claiming he has to go home. One time she cannot stop him from leaving and he walked out and she had to call the police and they brought him.anyone else dealing with us any suggestions on what to do to prevent him from leaving the house? Right now he is only on an anti ancients medicine during the day and has a sleep aide he takes at night. We tried rexulti and memantine but it had adverse side effects so stopped both meds.

M1

welcome to the forum, I’m so sorry you and your mom are dealing with this. Does one of you hold his power of attorney? You will need it, as you may have to hospitalize him to find a stable medication regimen that will prevent some of this. Very dangerous situation for your mom, I would have her keep her phone with her at all times, identify a room she can lock. I would have a very low threshold for calling 911 or taking him to the ER and request geriatric psych admission.

Caro_Lynne

In addition to what M1 suggests, while he is home you need to install sliding locks high on every door with egress and also alarms. Hope this helps xo

harshedbuzz

@tbrescia0115

My friend's mom did this— she even made it outside once.

What worked for her was to install motion detectors linked to her phone which alerted her to mom being up. When they went off, she ran downstairs to redirect mom back to bed.

You say he has a "sleep aide", do you mean an OTC medication (sleep aid) or a person overnight helping out? If this isn't a medication prescribed by his doctor, you might want to ask the doctor for something more effective for overnights.

Be aware that the active ingredients in a lot of OTC sleep products are not safe for elders or those with dementia, are unproven or can cause paradoxical (exact opposite) reactions.

HB

Arrowhead

There are various devices you can use on the door that make if difficult or impossible for a person with dementia to open it. Amazon has several. You may consider a double cylinder lock that locks with a key on both sides of the door. When locked, he could not open it without the key.

easy23

My husband does this. The only thing that changes course is to tell a fiblet regarding the delusion. If my DH says he's going to work, I tell him that work called and said he doesn't have to go in today. If he says he's going to school, I tell him school is closed for a holiday.

My husband is on risperidone and Ativan, for anxiety. I think they help, but not enough to completely do away with the delusions.

Good luck to you! It is a terrible problem to have to deal with.

Jean loves wildlife

So sorry for your having to deal with this. So distressing to see a LO like this. Other comments about medication etc are good. And I like the suggestion to tell him his boss called and he doesn't need to go in today. Another simple thing might possibly work as it did with my MIL. She too was a bit delusional at times, didn't recognize her own house or possessions, wasnt sure who this man (her husband) was who was in her bedroom, was sure she wasn't in her own house, wanting to "go home" etc. Depending on when this would happen which was often in the evening, he would tell her he would take her "home," drive around the block come back and announce "okay you're home" and this would often work to calm her down. Maybe a variation of this would work with your dad.