moving into memory care, not sure if we should wait longer

yearofthedragon

My mom has been on the waiting list at a memory care facility for a long time. My sister and I are both burnt out. There is a room available now that shares a bathroom with another person. My mom hates sharing bathrooms with strangers and gets grossed out easily by other people in her personal space. I am not sure if we should move my mom into this room, and then when a room with its own bathroom becomes available we move her again. Or do we wait until a room with its own bathroom opens up to skip the hassle of my mom being upset about sharing a bathroom with a stranger and skip the hassle of my mom changing living spaces twice? The thing is there is no way to know when a room with its own bathroom will open up. What would you do/ advice?

howdoidothis

Has she ever lived in a college dorm or served in the military where she may have lived in barracks? Perhaps telling her it would be like that might make it seem like a youthful adventure.

CaliforniaGirl-1

Is it 2 beds in one room or is it 2 separate areas with just a common area and bathroom shared? You know your mom best, but if it is between her getting in and not, I would be very tempted to try it. She might surprise you and like it. And if a room with its own bathroom opens up it will be easier to move her within the same facility where everything is familiar.

My LO started out by spending all her time in her room but now she is never in room except for sleeping and changing her clothes She is out with the other residents watching tv or listening to music or just being with them and I think she is much happier. Of course everyone is different.

I don't feel like I can advise you but either way but your being burnt out is not something that should be ignored.

fmb

Take the available room and move her to a single room later. You are burnt out. You cannot let this disease claim you and your sister as victims, too.

harshedbuzz

Take the room.

Odds are they won't be in there together. And at many places, their toiletries are secured by staff when not being used.

It could be the other resident is incontinent and rarely in there anyway. This is especially true if the facility has separate shower rooms.

HB

Gobellago

You led with "my sister and I are both burnt out", which tells me a lot :) . I say this because I'm sloooowly recovering from full caregiver burnout, and it is taking longer than I ever imagined. Take the room. And be a bit of a squeaky wheel at the facility to get that "better" room when it comes available. Sometimes facilities can conveniently "forget" you are on the list for the next open room. Inquiring about whether a room is opening on a regular basis helps the process. And, if your mom is still cognizant enough, it will make her feel better to know you are fighting for her in your inquiries, that you are "on her side", and that the current situation is temporary. Good luck, and don't question that now is the right time. Caregiving doesn't suddenly get easier when your parent is in a facility, it is still a "job" emotionally and physically. I pushed myself to the limit of caregiving thinking that assisted living was a "finish line", and that was a big mistake. Even with your LO in AL or MC you will still have stress, surprises, sadness and work to do. Pace yourself and get help before you think you need it! Sending my support to you and your sister!

psg712

Agree with Gobellago that caregiving still happens when your LO is in a facility. Whenever she goes, you will both have adjustments ... to the move, to the staff, to the policies, and then to each new stage and challenge she goes through. One day at a time.