Yet another car discussion

Anna2022

DH has only driven his car once in two years (last time was March 2023) and because of non-use, the battery is dead. Thank goodness. I have no intention of getting it fixed or telling him its the battery. Instead, I just say, "its broken."

He occasionally thinks about driving but when he does, he goes out to the car and finds that it doesn't work (he doesn't remember that the battery is dead or how to fix it), makes a comment that something is wrong with the car then forgets about it for months.

A few days ago he went searching for the keys and couldn't find them. I never hid them because the car has been disabled. I suspect he put them somewhere strange and that we will eventually find them but for now, he is very agitated and constantly searching. I thought he'd forget about the keys after awhile but for some reason he sure remembers that they are lost! He's so worried - He spent hours in the last few days and last night looking and talking about them. It wore me out! My solutions has been to ignore him, not engage with the problem and let HIM wear himself out but I'm afraid that's not very nice to watch him be so anxious and I want to explore other options on my part. And I know that the last episode was yesterday, and that today he might forget about the whole thing … one can only hope.

What's the some ways to handle this? Divert him each time and hope he forgets again? Rinse and repeat? I suspect the car is a trigger sometimes for him to think about driving. I'm thinking it is time to tow the car to the dealer or "car repair place," create a fib that they are going to fix it and sell it so that he forgets he even owned a car? Getting him to sign the title away might be a problem these days - his mind may be swiss-cheese but he still can be so very argumentative about certain things. Honestly, It has been great to have a disabled car because I haven't worried about him driving and he can't figure out how to fix it. But if it's gone will he fixate on buying a new one (he's also been talking about THAT for the last two years) or will that pass and the absence of the car stop the thought of driving again?

I've read the past threads about this issue. I think I just need support to do what I know I need to do and writing this out has helped. Many thanks for letting me vent.

dancsfo

"Out of sight, out of mind" works in many cases, but it's a whole lot easier for something small like a bottle of shampoo and it's a hassle to tow a car away and store it. Will something like a car-cover work and pretend someone else's car is underneath? He probably will peek inside though.

M1

I think you’re probably right to get it out of sight. If you have power of attorney, you can sign the title. One of many reasons you need to have it if you don’t already….hope you find the keys and if you do sounds like they should disappear too. But I do think you are right that he may just slide from one fixation to another, that’s pretty common. Is he on anything for anxiety?

dancsfo

@M1 has a good point about fixations. I don't expect any rhyme or reason, but a PWD can harp on some seemingly random thing, and then slide to someone new for weeks and then back again. I hope your car fixation is a passing phase. Maybe you can shift attention to something else and hope it will stick.

terei

For now, tell him you ordered new keys….

harshedbuzz

The car is likely a trigger. If you can remove it, I would. Create a story about having it re-keyed at the dealer. Or maybe it was recalled and the dealer is waiting for a part to come in.

If you have a POA, you can sign off on the title in lieu of him and sell it. This is why even spouses need a POA. If you don't you'll need to store it elsewhere which could potentially be a hassle. It doesn't make sense to hold onto a depreciating asset, especially if you have to pay someone to store it for you.

HB