Caregiver for parent diagnosed early in life.

Kmitch

Hi,

My mother (60) was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s early this year. It’s been a big change for her of course but I am now her sole caregiver (F25). Running her life and taking over her finances. love my mom and I am so grateful I am able to be with her while she still is in the early stages. But I am struggling with getting her to understand she needs help and to let me help. For one she does not accept her diagnosis and I was wondering if folks have any advice. I know we have to live in her world but she is still early on. She still drives and has her own life but I am concerned. She won’t give me access to her phone so I can’t get her location and I worry. I have been called by several family members who are concerned since she is so secretive about people in her business. But she has done scary things like think she knows someone and gives rides only to realize they are strangers!Any advice on how to handle this?

howdoidothis

At least your mom let you into her finances. Mine refuses. The electricity and gas are still on, so I’m assuming she’s paying the bills at this point.
What about putting an air tag in her car? I’m thinking about doing this myself.

H1235

Welcome! Anosognosia is the inability to see there symptoms. No amount of explaining will convince them of the symptoms. Because a pwd doesn’t see their symptoms they don’t see a need for any help and often become angry and insulted when it’s offered. I know it’s hard to think about but at some point you will need to do things your mom does not agree with. To keep her safe and not upset her you might want to consider doing things without her knowing. How tec savvy is she? Could you install a tracker app without her noticing? Maybe ask to see a picture or something she posted on Pinterest on her phone??? Have you ridden in the car with her? Maybe follow her home one day to see how she is doing. If people are calling about her driving or decisions about driving, then it’s probably time to keep a really good eye on things. You don’t want to wait to take the keys away til an accident has happened. Driving is a tough one.

M1

welcome to the forum, I’m so sorry you are dealing with this at such a young age for both of you. The posts about anosognosia are spot on, you’re not going to be able to convince her she needs help and will have to do it anyway. If you haven’t already done so, now is the time to be sure you have durable power of attorney for healthcare and finances as you are likely going to be faced with making decisions for her safety without her consent or agreement. Make an appointment with an elder law attorney sooner rather than later ( look at nelf.org if you need names). This forum is a wonderful source of advice and support, read a lot and you will learn a lot.

Kmitch

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/224532#Comment_224532

She is tech savvy is some ways she has taken me off shared location several times . I have ordered a tile tracker for her car thankfully today so I will be able to keep an eye on her. Thanks for your advice! I am realizing I’m having to make all her decisions it’s just hard since she’s so young to feel like I’m taking away her agency.