Today it hit me !!!

charley0419

I’m reading the other day what everyone is doing in my over 55 community, trips , clubs , shows etc. and it hit me my poor wife who worked over 30 yrs with own business raised two great girls was Cheated out of a retirement life she deserved . She’s happy in the things we do everyday, I make sure I take her out everyday sometimes to same place she’s just happy to be out. Worries too get home as loves 2 cats we got last year. I find lately some conversations are like talking with Professor Irwin Corey , for those to young YouTube you’ll get it, and it hurts me as at times she knows she’s off. What can I say just felt like venting but I will stick with her till I can’t do anymore I guess. Today she’s 78 been together 57 yrs married 55 whst a terrible ending.

CPLinIN

it is a horrible disease and it not only robbed her of the retirement she deserved, but you as well.

Jgirl57

sometimes the reality of everyday is awful. I agree they (we) are being cheated out of golden years. Hugs to you Charley .

annie51

I know that feeling that everyone else is having so much fun while we endure day to day drudgery, anxiety, and frustration. I keep telling myself to make this life as pleasant as possible for my DH and stop dwelling on the retirement we hoped to have. It’s not easy. We’re with you in spirit, Charley!

Maru

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70846/today-it-hit-me

It is sad to lose your life partner after so many years together. All those shared memories, gone or distorted. I find that my DH remembers some events that we shared, but I am missing from the memory. Sometimes, we just need to cry and/or vent. Who can you be angry at, when it's a disease? Vent all you like, my friend, sometimes that is all you can do.

michiganpat

I so agree Charley. All those plans for retirement gone! A good friend of mine is having a great time travelling and while I am happy for her I mourn the fact it is not going to happen for us. My husband does not want to leave our home as "it's not safe out there". It is, as you say, "a terrible ending". That is wonderful that your wife has the 2 cats to love on. Animals are a great comfort. Hugs for you and your wife.

Carl46

It helps me to remember that everyone else isn't having a lot of fun. Some are, some aren't. I have two neighbors with Parkinson's and one with Alzheimer's, so that kind of balances out the neighbors with the golf bags and motor boats.

harshedbuzz

@charley0419

It is sad, of course, that the golden years you planned for together have not come to fruition. And while, that's tragic, it sounds like your wife is happy in her small world with you and her 2 cats. And that's a blessing. I think it's actually sadder for you.

HB

Joe C.

I can related to your feelings about the lost retirement and disappearing future. DW is in MC now and is happy there but I always feel she was cheated and I mourn the future we had planned together.

brs

I'm sorry Charley. I remind myself, often, at least my DH is home, at least he's safe, at least he's... but both sadness of what we're not going to experience and contentment with the now can coexist. I hope this simple act helps, nothing will ever eliminate the sadness of the what if but we can find peace with acceptance.

sherryandwilliam

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70846/today-it-hit-me

To be honest I try not to think of what we are missing. It will just make me sad and I need all my strength to just get by day to day.

ppfrmo

my heart goes out to you Charley, but as someone said I just try to get through each day. DH has anger issues so he seems very angry with me most of the time but I guess he has always had anger issues, it’s just so hard to not correct him when he’s wrong. lol

RickM

My wife passed on 2 months ago. I am sad that we can’t spend these elder years remembering all the good times we had. It won’t be the same going on without her, but I will.
“she’s happy in the things we do every day”. Keep on keeping on Charlie.

sonnyhad

I hear you! This is horrible! My wife is changing by the week sometimes. I pray they find a cure for this. It strips their dignity! Most days she is piss at me. Her friends and family don't really know how it is, but she is going to visit her brother for a few days. She has been able to fool people until lately.

So glad to have found this forum. No one really understands what this is like. 3 years since diagnosis.

keep on venting it does some good just to get it out there!

Sonny

orth

I am feeling the same way. DW just wants to stay home and watch tv supplemented by the afternoon naps. She doesn’t want me to leave her alone, so this has become our normal life. I miss traveling, eating out and shopping. My only escape is cleaning the house, mowing the lawn and keeping the pool clean. She didn’t even go in the pool anymore. The good side is the meds are keeping her so she knows me again

Dio

The loss is indescribable and unbearable. What golden years?! What traveling to see the world?! What doing all the things we wanted to do?! These all have turned to dust. Neither DH nor I come from rich families. Every penny we have is earned by our hard work. Now, instead of enjoying our hard earned money, we are paying for memory care…

justbreathe2

Sorry Charley for what you are going through. I am feeling the same way. My DH had a great career and we enjoyed so many things before this disease started. I try to make everyday count for him. He no longer remembers anything of our memories, but knows he loves me. Some days are difficult. Difficult to keep him busy and he follows me everywhere. I miss lunches with friends and family celebrations, or just being out on my own. I am envious of other friends enjoying their senior years traveling.

Some days I feel his life is over as well as mine. I try to make the best of what we have, but I do feel the loneliness everyday as this disease progresses. No one really understands until you go through it.

WIGO23

So many of these posts resonate with me. My DH worked such long hours building our retirement funds so we could travel the world. We had only two years of travel when Covid hit. I had noticed changes in his memory but thought it was stress related as he closed out his professional life and client cases..

It got worse after he was fully retired not better. We started the year and a half struggle to find out what was wrong. Diagnosis finally was made. Now Alzheimer’s has robbed him of so many things and robbed us of the retirement we both worked so hard for. The life we planned went up in smoke.

Anyone who is “living” with dementia, either as a patient or 24/7 caregiver, has been put in prison but is innocent. It is simply unfair!