Tired

brucemiller

My wife is in the beginning stages she forgets a lot of daily conversations and can’t find the right words to make a sentence. I like to go exercise walk but can only be gone for two hours. She wakes up mad at me almost every day. I go walking daily just to have me time. I take care of everything, finances, cooking, laundry and all housework. I try to get her out of the house but she doesn’t want to go anywhere. How do I get her to take a shower or bath? I love her dearly.

BillEnt

I have a similar problem. My wife asks the same question many times a day. She can remember long ago stuff but not recent things. She refuses to see a doctor and gets angry if anyone tells her she has a memory problem. I am looking for ways to work with her to help her, and maybe even get her to a doctor for a diagnosis and treatments if any might help. She is afraid of doctors in general so it takes a lot for her so see one.

Bailey's Mom

In a similar situation here…Husband is mad at me most of the time. I am doing everything, like you are, and he doesn't realize or appreciate it. He has had a diagnosis, but has anosognosia & still wants to control all aspects of our life. I am exhausted and depressed & really don't know how long I can keep it up. The showering is an issue with DH too…seems like it is a common problem.

trottingalong

I know others have spoken about giving up on the showering and use the bathing no rinse wipes. My husband still bathes although I do have to remind him. We did use wipes to bathe my mother-in-law in her more advanced state. Earlier when she reached the point of absolute refusal to get in the shower, my father in law would just try and wipe her down once a week, and he always provided clean clothing for her. It’s a lonely, stressful road for sure.

CPLinIN

I just want you to know you are not alone. My husband is well into the middle stages and there is a new challenge every day.

Like you, I walk to have time away to think - but we have two dogs, so I leave one with him and take the other. I think plenty when I should be sleeping, as I toss and turn all night with worry.

I also installed a camera in the room where he is most of the time. I can check on him while I’m walking (he’s usually asleep in his chair), and feel less need to hurry home.

SDianeL

read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. It explains why they don’t shower. 1. They forget when they last showered. 2. They forgot how to shower. 3. They are afraid to shower and 4. Their skin is sensitive to hot & cold water. So I picked 2 days a week for “our showers” and would get everything ready for him. Washcloth, towel, body wash, etc. I would then tell him it was our shower day and his shower was ready. It worked most of the time. I even turned on the shower and put a chair in the shower and got a shower wand. If he balked I would tell him he could shower tomorrow and I would do the same thing the next day. Hope it works for you.

Iris L.

Please read about anosognosia. Your LO is unaware of having dementia and also unaware of much else, like showering. Do not confront your LO about having dementia or forgetting or repeating or not showering or not doing household chores. They can no longer do anything useful. Read about failure-free activities on their level.

Iris