Memory care Monday

Jeanne C.

Provided everything goes smoothly, my husband is moving into a memory care facility on Monday. I’ve struggled with this but, as the kind people here always say, safety has to be top priority.

This morning my sweet husband, who rarely talks at all and never speaks above a whisper, told me with his full voice, “I’m ok.” He’s repeatedly reached out to me today to hold my hand or rub my arm. I’m probably seeing what I want to see, but it feels like he’s comforting me.

I feel like I have his blessing. I’m still going to struggle. I ache knowing that after Monday I’ll never sleep next to my husband again. But I told him, “I’m OK too” and I will be.

M1

Will be thinking about you, please update when you can. That last day stays with me too.

fmb

Last night was the one year anniversary of the last night my DH spent at home. Praying that all goes well for both of you on Monday. We're here for you. ((hugs))

Dio

Hope the move will go smoothly for both of you. On the day of moving in, I was so focused on this mission that my feelings of guilt was nowhere to be found. And after things went as smoothly as can be, almost like divine intervention, I felt a huge sense of relief and gratitude. That night, I slept, and slept well. The guilt came much later when he started to "recover" and is now almost normal. Don't let the guilt seep in. You're keeping him and yourself safe…that's what's most important. Do keep us posted on how things go.

Caro_Lynne

Good luck on Monday. xo

Jgirl57

(((HUGS))) that you will both be OK.

​fesk

Best of luck to you both through this transition.

Anna2022

I will be thinking of you on Monday and will be hoping for an easy transfer/transition for you both.

Biggles

I can’t bear the idea that one day I will have to be without my DM. He is sometimes so difficult, hard to understand these days and gets so confused but to be without him is an unbearable thought. I will need your strength and resolve and the knowledge that things are being done for his best. Good luck my thoughts are with you.

Buggytoo

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70895/memory-care-monday

Wishing you great courage and a strong, peaceful heart for the transition.

SDianeL

I’ll be thinking of you both on Monday.and hope all goes well.

Laurie1282

I moved my husband with Alz into memory care a little over a week ago. So far things have gone as well as I could have hoped. I do have times of feeling guilty, but the positives for him and me outweigh the guilt. The hard part for me will be to figure out my new normal of life without him.

auksst

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70895/memory-care-monday

I hope that all went well with the move. I feel like we are getting close making that transition too. May I ask….when did you know it was time?

CampCarol

I hope everything goes ok for you and DH tomorrow. Sending good thoughts, vibes and prayers your way for a smooth transition! And please do keep us posted; I’m not quite to this placement point yet, but I know it’s coming. As such, I’m watching these types of posts to learn as much as I possibly can to prepare myself.

easy23

Good luck tomorrow! I know the days leading up to the placement are more stressful than the placement itself. Things will go well and you will be able to know that you did the best thing for your DH and yourself!

Joe C.

I hope the placement goes smoothly and your husband adjust quickly. The placement is likely going to be more difficult on you, have plans o keep yourself busy in the coming days.

GothicGremlin

@Jeanne C. I'm sending all of my positive thoughts toward you and your DH for tomorrow. I hope it all goes as well as it can go.

It might be rough at first, it was for my sister, but after awhile she settled down, and actively thought that memory care was a good place for her. I hope your husband will think the same.

I also think you're absolutely correct - I think he gave you his blessing.

Thinking good thoughts for you both.

Jeanne C.

Thanks everyone. I’ll let you know how it goes this afternoon.

@auksst it became a matter of safety. He’s having more falls, becoming more challenging to care for (needs help with all ADLs), and really needs more care than I can manage.

OhDear

Looking at placing my DH in Memory Care now - so hard. But last week the agitation, aggression and confusion led to 2 falls - he is in Hospital now. They want to ship him out to Rehab facility (any Rehab facility). I'm trying to find one that has dementia specialists or at least knowledge. I hoped for one connected to MC but just hoping to find one that won't put him back in the hospital. I am sleeping without him for the first time myself but he begs me to get him out of the hospital and I'd think MC would be so much better. They have him confined to bed with a "watcher" all the time - he shares the room with a foul-mouthed man who keeps telling my DH that he's going to die. It's intolerable for us both.

Hoping for the best for you - safety for both you and your DH is so important.

Quilting brings calm

I hope the move goes smoothly. Please rest as soon as you get home

JeriLynn66

Thinking of you and your dear Husband today.

Jo C.

Hope all has gone well and that you are okay.

J.

harshedbuzz

Thinking of you both.

Jeanne C.

The move was delayed until this morning (paperwork btw the facility, Medicaid, and hospice). But he’s moved in and was napping when I left. He was very calm through it all. I’m allowed to visit whenever I want and it’s less than 15 minutes door to door. After discussing with the nurse manager and the NP, I’m going to let him settle for a few days and just call in.

Coming back to the empty house was hard. But I’m doing laundry and relaxing on the deck. I may go hog wild and take a nap.

Thanks everyone for all the support.

​fesk

Glad it's going as well as it can. Take that nap!

M1

Glad to know he's there and settled. Peace to you. The new normal can take a looong time to manifest.

TyroneSlothrop

Congratulations Jeanne C. This moment is huge, helpful, and absolutely the best thing to do. My DW has been in MC since June. Lonely for me, but way better for her! And I realized that the guilty feelings I experienced are part of the disease.

Best wishes and sympathy,

Tyrone

Dio

So glad it went smoothly. Try to enjoy your quiet time. This is "me" time to be had, and so deserving after the 24/7 grind. Please don't let guilt seep in. You're doing the very best for your DH and yourself. Yes, you'll miss him, but remember he's being well cared for.

annie51

So glad to hear it went smoothly. Enjoy as much “me” time as you can! I feel like I’ll be better prepared when it comes time for my DH because so many of you have shared your experiences.

CampCarol

I’m so happy that this initial step is in your rear view mirror now. Please take good care of yourself as you adjust to this new phase, and thank you for sharing how it went!