I just want more time.

j.l.m.

4 years, 1 month, 1 day. From diagnosis to my husband is gone. I don't know how to process. I want him back. I am not even sure why I am writing this. I feel like I just joined this forum, trying to understand the why. And no, I don't understand. He fought hard. It doesn't make sense. I am sad. I am angry. I am numb. I am all over the place. Someone asked me if I felt at peace when I was planning his services. And the answer is no.

The one thing I would like to share for anyone going through this, is do not wait until the end for hospice. It's one of the things I learned from this forum. I do not know who posted it, but I remember reading that families wait too long. My husband had hospice services for the last 3 months, and I cannot put into words what they did for him. And for me.

I just want more time.

CindyBum

Oh…JLM. I feel you. My DW was diagnosed in March of this year and has been moving so fast. Already in Stage 5. I miss her already, even as she sits here next to me, only partially herself now.

Big hugs to you. I fear that in another 4 years, I will be in your boat.

xoxo

midge333

@jlm : I am sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. I have been caregiving for 8 years and I long for it to be over. From this day forward, I know there will be very few good days for my DW. I just want it to be over for her and me.

White Crane

i’m so sorry for the loss of your dear husband.

ImMaggieMae

JLM, I am so sorry. I wish there were words I could say or something that I could do to help you. My husband is in late stage 6 or early 7. He is a fighter too, and he doesn’t deserve this. I am sad and often angry too. I want to do whatever I can to make things better for him. And I don’t want it to be over. Wishing you peace.

Buggytoo

I am so sorry to read of the death of your beloved husband. May you find peace and comfort as you grieve. I send my prayers for you.

hiya

I’m so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in knowing he is healed.

cdgbdr

I am so sorry for your loss.

fmb

@j.l.m. I am so sorry you lost your dear husband. There is no answer to "why?" This cruel disease makes no sense in choosing whom it targets. Your grief is understandably overwhelming right now.

I agree with you about bringing hospice services on board as early in the disease as the patient can be accepted. My DH has been in hospice care for 10-1/2 mos. They have literally been a lifesaver for me, guiding me through his journey and keeping me from losing my sanity and harming myself. The loving care they show DH is a true blessing. DH is now in late Stage 7 but is stable. This could go on for months, but at least I know I will have our hospice team with me as we all walk DH home.

​fesk

I am sorry for your loss.

Biggles

This horrible hideous illness my DH is so dreadfully ‘not there’ my daughter wishes he had an incurable cancer and I think our son is in denial. I have a great support team but I feel desperate, desperately lonely, desperately sad and the why keeps coming up. I have friends enjoying travel in their retirement, dinners, socialising. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself but I feel sorry for our situation and no one outside this forum and our special team understands. I too want more time. It is said one slow step at a time. My thoughts are with you.

Kat63

I am so sorry for your loss. My DH is late stage 6 and been under Hospice care for 4 months. I told my sister the other day “ My biggest fear is my DH declining with this disease goes on for quite sometime and at the same time my big fear is it won’t.” So very hard to say the least. Sending my deepest sympathy to you.

Denise1847

I am so very sorry. I wish I had words that could heal your pain. Getting over such a loss will take a long time. Please don't lose hope that you will one day be able to look back on your years with him and be grateful, not sad. My DH was diagnosed 6 years ago, and I hate seeing him like he is. It is not him anymore, but a zombie who has taken over his body. I pray every day for God to release him from this prison he is in and take him to be with the Lord.

Joe C.

My sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. May you find some peace in the days ahead.

harshedbuzz

I am sorry for the loss of your dear husband.

LJCHR

I'm so sorry for your loss. May you find strength and peace.

mrahope

So sorry for your loss. This is something huge and will take some time, but trust the process. Praying that peace comes eventually.

ESkayP

Thank you for posting your grief. There are so many stages of loss with this cruel disease. It seems every time I visit that my mother is losing pieces of herself and pieces of me. The sadness is almost incomprehensible. My heart goes out to you. When my mother's time comes, I know I will be also be torn in two.

SDianeL

I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. My DH passed Aug 12, just 2 years 7 months & 20 days after diagnosis. He did have symptoms for a few years before. I posted about Hospice because I waited too long although people in this group advised me to ask for them. I couldn’t admit it was time. I miss him so much it hurts but I am thankful he’s no longer suffering. I saw something similar to this and changed it slightly to express how I feel. Praying for your comfort & strength. MY HUSBAND, MY ANGEL. Your Battle is Now Over. No More Pain No More Suffering. I Still Do Not Understand Why This Happened to You. But I Am Proud to Say You Are My Husband, A Great Man, My Soulmate. Now You Are My Angel, So Spread Your Wings Out Wide, Please Wrap Them Around Me Whenever I’m Feeling Lonely. I Will Miss You Always, Until We Meet Again. ❤️🙏

mathreader

I'm so sorry for your loss. Words can never really help, but know those of us out here are with you.