Seeking Support and Advice in a Challenging Situation

seaports

Hi everyone,

I wanted to reach out to this community to share my experiences and hopefully gain some insights from those who may have faced similar challenges. I currently live with my parents, pooling our resources as we navigate financial difficulties. My father, who is in his 80s, is likely dealing with dementia or Alzheimer's—possibly Lewy Body Dementia, although he hasn't received an official diagnosis yet.

His condition has worsened lately, leading to frequent hallucinations and memory loss. On particularly difficult days, he believes he needs to “go home” to his mother, who has passed away. This can be heart-wrenching for all of us.

My father has always been an avid walker, but now his love for walking has turned into a source of constant stress. He tries to wander outside, and despite our efforts to keep him safe with trackers and alarms, he finds ways to escape. Just recently, he got lost, and we had to involve the police to find him on the highway.

I work full-time, and my mother is also unwell, caring for my elderly uncle who has cancer. Balancing a job while ensuring my father is safe feels overwhelming. I often feel a knot in my stomach from the stress. We’re on waiting lists for memory care facilities, but the timelines are daunting.

I’m sharing this to vent a bit—none of my friends or coworkers fully understand the toll this takes on me—but I’m also hoping to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation. What strategies or resources helped you? How did you manage the stress and find support?

Thank you for listening. Your thoughts and experiences would mean a lot to me.

H1235

I’m sorry you are in this difficult situation. This is a great place to vent and hear from others who are facing similar challenges. We all understand the stress. Here are some of my thoughts. I don’t know if you will need to turn to Medicaid in the future for your dad (many do, it’s expensive). If finances are intermingled too much this could cause problems. It might be worth looking into. I assume you have tried door alarms. An in home camera system may also be helpful. There are medications that may help with some of the symptoms. This could make a big difference for him. Are there other MC facilities that might have an opening. Even if they were farther away and you would eventually need to move him when something closer was available might be worth considering. What about hiring someone to come into the home even occasionally. It definitely sounds like he needs more care than you and your mother are able to provide (no judgement, you can only do so much). A local commission on aging may be able to give you some advice. As far as the stress, I wish I had some good advice. I just started taking a mild antidepressant. It is all just too much sometimes, well a lot of the time. Good luck.