…of course she isn’t really there

Vitruvius

You’ve heard of phantom limb syndrome, well I’m having phantom wife syndrome. A number of times a week I very briefly, just for a moment, experience a feeling that my DW is with me. She’s been in an MCF for over two years and the hospice nurse tells me they have just determined she is Stage 7f (on the Fisher scale), the very last stage before the end. 

I wake in the middle of the night hearing something and imagine my DW is next to me in bed, but…of course she isn’t really there. 

I need to make an important decision, and by instinct I want to turn and discuss it with my DW.  I quickly realize that…of course she isn’t really there.

I’m walking or driving and see something very interesting and want to share it with my DW.  Again after a split second I know…of course she isn’t really there.

I visit my DW in the late afternoon and hand feed her, the one thing she can still do. She hasn’t opened her eyes or spoken a word in months. I kiss her and tell her I love her and hope for some sort of response, but I get none because…of course she isn’t really there.

jfkoc

I understand exactly what you are saying….the "aloneness" ….

GothicGremlin

I don't know what else to say besides a heart-felt I'm so sorry.

SDianeL

yes I know how it feels. After my DH went to memory care I would wake in the middle of the night and reach across the bed to make sure he was OK. The loneliest feeling imaginable. So sorry. 😢

Carl46

Vitruvius, that's beautiful.

Bill_2001

Wow Vitruvius, that was beautiful and so sad. : (

They say that the price of love is grief. The stronger the love, the deeper the grief. My wife is still home with me, but after nine years of caring for her while she continues the slow descent into oblivion, I still feel the split-second urge to ask her a question when I need to make a decision.

I felt your story so deeply when I read it. I am sure the phantom wife syndrome will persist for the rest of our lives. It just shows how much we love them.

God bless,

Bill_2001

CatladyNW

I am so sorry. Yes, I experienced the same when my DH was in AL/MC. It often happened when I first woke up, because a part of my brain just couldn’t process the fact that he was no longer with me after all our years together. He passed recently, and it still happens.