The simplest decision is too much

Quilting brings calm

Mom may or may not have a UTI. Hospice ordered her an antibiotic. She’s been on hospice for 5 days. Due to cognitive decline.
Today was another sad day for me. She called me at 11. Basically it seemed to me that she was looking to be told what to do. So I told her to get dressed and go to the AL dining hall. Lunch would be in a few minutes. She seemed to think she needed permission from me to go to lunch. The same discussion happened at 4. That time it was she thought she needed permission ( or to be instructed) to go to supper. Weekends at the AL are not as structured as weekdays- no organized activities and not as many staff directing the residents’ day.

In addition, she continues to believe that going on hospice means I’m going to abandon her. I have told her multiple times that I will continue to do everything for her that I have been doing. I’ve told her that she is just getting more help. It doesn’t stick in her brain.

SDianeL

should she be in memory care?

Quilting brings calm

@SDianeL

Let’s hope not because I haven’t got the mental, emotional or physical capability to deal with finding one and moving her right now. Her money would run out on a little over a year if she went to MC. I do think she’s got a UTI ( she’s mentioned burning) and hopefully the antibiotics will help. They were ordered Friday, so they might not have been delivered until sonetime today( Monday). In addition, being on hospice could mean that she can stay where she is. My step-dad was allowed to stay at the AL until he died because he was on hospice.

I will know more today when I go out there. The AL nurse has been on vacation for two weeks.

I will be out of town Tuesday-Saturday on a long planned quilt retreat. So she probably will continue to feel that I have abandoned her. I had a cardiac ablation two weeks ago, a thyroid ultrasound last week, and now I will have biopsies in November on two thyroid nodules that have grown since last year. My spouse had shoulder surgery a month ago. We made an offer on a house that will allow us to age in place better yesterday, it was rejected - get this- because the owner/contractor is still renovating it and is now undecided on how much he wants for it. After giving us a possible price a few weeks ago.

fmb

QBC, I am praying that your mother's recent downturn is merely the result of a UTI and that she will be able to stay in AL. You have so much on your plate. Enjoy the quilt retreat. Making quilts for Project LInus and volunteering at their workshop is helping to keep me sane by giving me activity that does not have anything to do with ALZ or caregiving. Quilting is good therapy.

Quilting brings calm

@fmb

Quilting is great therapy. It keeps my mind busy in a good way. I don’t get much time to be in my sewing room these days. The quilt retreats help keep me sane.

forbarbara

You have been so strong for so long. I hope there are lots of quilting retreats in your future. And plenty of room for those quilts in your new home when you find it.

terei

Can you request she be escorted to meals? It would be an extra charge at AL

Quilting brings calm

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/226281#Comment_226281

This AL normally rounds up ( or at least checks in on) everyone who isn’t in the dining hall at the appropriate time. I’m sure they would have done so with mom - she still had time to get to the dining hall before that time when I hung up from the phone calls. I wasn’t worried that they would forget about her. I was just sad that she felt she needed to be told to go eat.

They actually bring her breakfast to her most days as she has quit getting up soon enough to get to the dining hall by 8am.

I was out there today and she has started on the antibiotic so hopefully some of ‘whatever this is’ will clear up in a few more days. She was asleep so I didn’t wake her up.

Quilting brings calm

I received the statement for Mom’s November rent at the AL. A $200 charge is there to Level 2 care. I will have to call the office tomorrow to find out what that includes. I am not going to object to it because she has been a handful the last two weeks. I may see if it is something that can be shifted to the hospice staff - such as shower assistance. I also anticipate an increase in the rent Jan 1- it’s built into the contract. At least hospice will provide her Depends, wipes and medications. That at least offsets the $200.

Mom was given a 5 day course of antibiotics for the suspected UTI. I think it made enough of a difference that she started to realize just how much she had declined and that she is on hospice. We’ve had numerous phone calls where she realizes she’s ‘not right’ and she’s concerned that hospice means she is dying. That’s different than the first week of hospice. The hospice nurse has asked the doctor to prescribe something stronger for her anxiety and depression. That call was Friday so I’m not sure when the prescription will start.

There is more into on my week on a comment I made on the spouses forum on the ‘ no empathy’ post.