Still living on their own

TaraF

My father (80) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year. He lives in an apartment with my 82 year old mother. My father is in great shape physically but not mentally. My mother is in terrible shape physically and not so great on the mental side either. Unfortunately they do NOT qualify for much assistance as they make $100 too much as a married couple. They cannot afford ANY assisted living places near us, so we are trying to keep them in their apartment as long as possible.

My father insists on doing things he's never done before (like cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning) because my mother physically can't. Neither have ever lived by a budget. I had to step in to take over their finances because it was all messed up. I got them a pre-paid credit card for seniors (Tru Link) and it's been great. The only problem is that I can't get either one of them to check the card before they just start spending. My dad has OCD and has to walk to the grocery store every day. They can't afford the wasteful spending and I'm not sure how to handle this. My only thought is to not add any money on there once they hit their limit. I just feel bad. ***He has terrible anger issues so when I try to tell him NOT to go to the store he blows up and starts screaming at me.

mabelgirl

I feel your pain in this. Taking over our parents independence is so very hard. I always remind myself that I’m actually handling a youngster’s affair and they just happen to be dressed up as elderly people. He won’t stop going to the store. What do you think he would do at the store if he did not have the funds to make a purchase? Does he show anger towards others? If so in order to prevent injury to hisself or others, I would think your best bet is to not give them any means to funds. It sounds as if he really needs caretaking before his outbursts get him in any trouble and that they should not be alone. Have you asked his doctor about medications to help with outbursts? Have you spoken to an elder attorney who might have an avenue you’re unaware of. If your mother’s health is poor maybe she can be considered disabled and with that combination open other opportunities for assistance. I’m sorry your faced with this and pray you get some guidance very soon.

NizhoniGrrl

Cash is king. In small amounts, of course. My be more concrete.

Anonymousjpl123

I had to take over my mom’s money and it was gut wrenching and awful. Especially in the beginning. I did it in stages. I first managed her income/bank account, then online shopping. Eventually I had to take over all of it. There is no easy way. When I needed to cut off her credit cards, I did so after she unintentionally purchased an enormous amount of purchases. Before I knew about dementia.

In the end, you may need to rip the bandaid and just take them shopping when you can.

Do you have Power of Attorney? That factors in a great deal. I’m sorry you are dealing with so much stress. They are lucky to have you.