Long term care

ebutts422

How have you handled the transition to a care facility? Mom has intermediate ALZ, and it is starting to progress rapidly. My dad has almost died 2 or 3 times this year due to the stress of being a caregiver. Right now mom is in a COA program, I do the cooking, laundry is done by my sister or me, and my siblings and I alternate taking mom for a bit on weekend days to continue to give dad the respite he needs.

Mom would be best situated in an assisted care/memory care facility... but financially it's impossible ($10k/month). So we are going to have to put her in long term care.

Who has done this, how have you managed the transition? How have you protected yourself mentally...I know my hard outer shell has taken one heck of a hit (have an appt with a psychiatrist next week). I'm worried about how to help both mom and dad through this.

Thanks... and sorry for not using all the acronyms

AlzWife2023

I don’t have any answers, but I feel for you. I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. I’ll be waiting to hear replies from other members who have experience and insights to share.

I am caring for my DH with moderate Alzheimer's at home with lots of help from three adult children.

SDianeL

remember you are doing this for them, not to them. The facility should have a Social Worker who might assist. When I had to place my husband the memory care facility advised not to tell him. Just bring him making up a story about going to lunch. Then don’t say goodbye, just quietly leave. Then wait 2 weeks before we visited. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was able to call the nurse and check on him daily. He settled in and received great care. I know this is a very difficult decision. You will still be caregivers just in a different role, making sure they are both well cared for.

​fesk

I am sorry you and your family are going through this. I do not have any answers (still caring for my mother at. home) but a question - what is the difference between a memory care facility and long term care?

I do agree you will still be providing care in a manner that is best for your entire family and that's where the focus will need to stay when the emotions overwhelm.