A lot of doubt and questions

JM27

Hi everyone,

So I have been searching for a MC for my LO. I believe I found. They are a clean locked and local facility. A little higher priced then what I was budgeting for but seems worth it for the conscience of being close.

I am worried how long money will last amongst that I am worried that it will be worse for my father. He still does a lot on his own and still wants to go home. He still thinks he will be going back home soon. I have sat down and had the talk with him however he can not comprehend it or accept it and I am the crazy one because he remembers to care for himself eat and take medication which was not the case and is why he is here in the first place.

I feel like this life changing decision for his life is all on me and I’m scared.

I’m scared because he’s not going to understand I’m scared because I know he won’t get the care I give him here in my home but I also know I’m not able to give him the socialization and activities like they do in MC.

It would almost be better if his memory was a little more progressed as horrible as that sound I think it would make it easier. I feel he is aware just enough that this will be agonizing for him.
Thoughts on how you all made the life changing decision for your LO to go to MC.

M1

I can certainly identify with it being easier in later stages--yes, in fact, that is the case. Its much easier now in late stage 6 than it was when i had to place my partner in stage 5. Many others here would say the same. But i could not keep her safe at home, could not find home help in our rural area (she would not have accepted it anyway), and she threatened me with violence. All that is gone now. None of it has been easy.

H1235

My moms dementia has had the biggest effect on her logic, planning and reasoning. The anosognosia is also a huge problem. I honestly think her memory is better than mine. She is still able to express herself very clearly. She tells me all the time that what I’m doing is wrong (keeping her from her house)! She demands to know why she can’t go to her house, why she needs to be in AL. But when I explain she makes excuses, brushes things off and tells me the doctor is wrong. I have given up trying to explain. It’s just not worth it. I agree the lack of memory issues creates all kinds of trouble. I cant put things off till tomorrow because she will remember and expect it to happen. So I understand. My MIL had terrible memory from the beginning of her dementia and was kind of contentedly oblivious to things (never angry). I have said before I think I would rather she not know who I am, than to know me and hate me for what I’m doing to her. We have to do what is best for our LO even when they don’t like it. Dementia is awful!

psg712

One of the most difficult things for me to grasp about my mom's dementia in the earlier stages was that I could no longer sit down and reason through decisions with her. She, who had always been my sounding board in major life changes, could not participate effectively in decisions that affected her in a huge way.

I totally relate to that heavy feeling that "it's all on me." But you probably know your dad best, and are better equipped than you realize to make those tough decisions on his behalf. Even if he is upset. Parents often make decisions that are unpopular with their children, knowing that the choice is in the child's best interest, even if he doesn't understand it. Same principle applies when making decisions for a loved one with dementia. You make the care choices out of love and a sound mind. Then be available to provide stability and comfort to him as he experiences the changes.

Blessings to you. Keep us informed, we are here for each other in this hard situation.

jen ht

Hi jm

Here's what someone sent to me:

Close your eyes
Take a deep breath
Think about how far you've come in life.

How did your dad contribute to this? (I'm sure there were life lessons, hugs, love and more that helped you grow)

What if he allowed you to make alllll of the decisions you wanted to make?

He did what he thought was best as a father (even if there could have been better options)

Now take another deep breath.
Why did you move dad closer?
Don't forget your why!

You are doing the best you can. One step at a time. Dad will be fine. This is new, & scary for him.
This is also new and scary for you.
I will keep you in my prayers.

Really helped me and I re read it allllllll the time.

Hope it helps you too. 💜

May we be well

jht

JM27

Hi Jen ht

Thank you 🙏🏼