PWD asks what are symptoms of dementia

dancsfo

PWD asks me what what are the symptoms of dementia. I was truthful, and PWD (with anosognosia and living at home) would say "Well, if one gets to that stage, one need to get placed into a facility".

There was little realization that PWD already exhibits some of these symptoms.

PWD probably has been thinking of the topic, with some self-realization of the disease.

This is not a vent, and not really asking for help, other than whether I ought to just lie, in case the truth would cause some distress. I don't say: "These are symptoms, just like you have" but PWD may get a sense it's getting there.

I do lie when PWD asks what the namenda (memantine) pill is for, I just say "It's for elderly people". PWD did ask a follow-up: "Is it for senility?" I just said "Maybe", and carried on.

GothicGremlin

It's such a tough call.

I can only tell you what I did. In the beginning, through about stage 5, I mostly told my sister the truth, if I thought it wouldn't be too upsetting. We had a 'don't ask, don't tell' kind of arrangement about her diagnosis though. If she asked me "is this a normal Alzheimer's thing" (I know - the word "normal"), I'd say yes or no, but it would be the truth.

When she was farther down the road, and getting ready to move into memory care, I had to find a home for her cat, since no cats were allowed in memory care. All of us lied about it, all the time. We told her that her cat was boarded at the vet hospital, and as soon as Peggy was better, she could have her cat back. In reality, I found the cat a good home. I felt horrible about the lie, but I knew it would be worse for Peggy to know the truth - you're in memory care forever and you're never going to get your cat back. It would have killed her. I was never going to tell her that.

And even later, after she forgot that our parents had passed away, I'd just tell her they were stuck in traffic and would be by soon.

I never liked lying, and I was careful to always assess her current ability to process unpleasant facts, and that was what always guided me.

H1235

My mom knows she has dementia and that is why she has asked what the symptoms are. The thing is ( just like with your LO) she doesn’t see that she has any of the symptoms or believes they are very mild. Then demands to know why she has to be in AL. I have tried to give truthful answers (doctor said you can’t live alone), but that never works. So frustrating.

Iris L.

This is anosognosia.

Iris

SDianeL

I never discussed the disease with my DH. I just said memory issues. When he asked what the Memantine was for, I said to help your brain. The Neurologist was the brain doctor. Fibs are your friend caring for someone with dementia. No need to tell them the truth if it causes them anxiety.

dancsfo

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/226931#Comment_226931

Thank you. That's a good view, by taking into the stage and ability to process unpleasant facts. Ultimately, it is for LO's well-being, so if the acceptance of symptoms does lead to better care, safety, quality of life, then I'd be willing share some of the truth to help with that acceptance. At an earlier stage, the acceptance can lead to relinquishing some responsibilities to a caregiver, which can make things better for everyone.

I see some acknowledgements of symptoms by PWD, so I'm willing to go along with that. Had I said: "There's no problem, everything is OK", that can lead to worse outcomes.

As things progress down the road, like your example with Peggy's cat or your parents, I also agree that avoiding distress is better, since the truth won't help the situation.

Hatedementia

My mother had anosognosia. She only lost it when she entered into late late stage dementia. She argued constantly she was fine, could drive, wanted her house back along with terrible paranoia especially towards me. She would bristle at my sight. Blamed me for everything.
I was so unprepared for dementia. I did a lot of wrong things learning as I floundered through. Our medical care wasn’t great. It was so hard to get good info. Every dementia patient present different with some similarities. Personality and brain being affected just is not predictable for symptoms like most disease. Just do your best. Take care of you. There will be many decisions to be made. Learn all you can.