Anger about not going to church

jjandcoffee

My dad is 75 and in the mid-stage of Alzheimer's. He lived in a different state until 14 months ago when he made the decision to be closer as I am his caregiver & POA. No other surviving family lived close. What had been nice since his diagnosis was that he was able to convey that he knew it was time for the next "step" in this journey. He adjusted to the move better than anticipated (his previous AL was not managing his medication properly) and particpated in daily activities, outings and was socially active again.

Up until June, he was fluidly mobile. Taking him to church wasn't an issue because he could dress, bath and get into the vehicle easily. He has made a significant progression though and no longer understands he needs to bath or even what clothes are for. He had been able to read the notes I wrote on his whiteboard, but no longer reads much at all. On a medical outing a month ago, he fell on his behind. He didn't trip, he just fell back. He was not hurt, no broken bones, and didn't hit his head. When we arrived back at his facility, we talked about until using a walker or wheelchair, it had reached a point of being unsafe for me to take him places, but especially church. He flat out refused to consider a walker or wheelchair. He didn't remember falling 45 minutes prior.

I informed the staff of what had happened so they could check for a UTI or a possible medication to be the cause of the balance issue. None were found to be the cause. At my next visit, I reiterated that I did not feel safe about taking him places, but especially church. I told him I can bring church to him by watching online with him. He nodded. In the past week and half, he has gotten angry and verbally abusive to staff when I don't appear on Sunday to pick him up. (I hate this disease.) He can't remember what clothing is for or the days of the week, but somehow suddenly is aware I didn't get him on a Sunday?!) He is now filled with anger in seeing me when I do come 2-3 times a week and tells me I have left him there and I don't care about him at all. It's heartbreaking and difficult to remain calm and not cry in front of him. I know it's the disease. Do any of you have advice on how long this adjustment could take or am I now in a stage where anger will be the norm?

SusanB-dil

ugh - so sorry you are dealing with that. Yes, a lot of 'this' is so heartbreaking! I HATE 'this', too!! Pretty sure we all do, so there's that.

Unfortunately, there is no way of knowing how long a PWD will fixate on any one thing. Do you think it might work if you watched it with him, and then, a little while later, pretend you actually went?

Also a thought - check with his doc about dialing back that aggression so that doesn't cause issues.

housefinch

Maybe your visits are triggering anger in him and it might be a good idea to stop visiting for several weeks? And the doctor could consider a medication if staff say he is angry and agitated at other times also.

jjandcoffee

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/226957#Comment_226957

Thank you. The plan going forward is to be able to watch with him. Sept & Oct are the height of marching band season for my teenage son. I began prepping Dad in July that fall was coming and our schedule would be very wonky. I had been leaving notes on his door about the schedule changes, but it became clear he didn't read them and didn't remember me or staff reminding him so he would not be alarmed. What used to work, no longer does. His memory has diminished that much. :(

He began a new anxiety/depression med to astimulate appetite. I will be speaking to the nurse again tomorrow to ask about switching back to the prilosec which seems like it worked better. His appetite hasn't changed at all with the new one.

jjandcoffee

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/226971#Comment_226971

I'm not sure. Staff says he sits by the door waiting and asking for me. They offer to have him call but he then refuses. I have stayed away since last Friday. It's a balancing act trying to figure it out.

harshedbuzz

Prilosec for anxiety?

If he's getting agitated, a low dose antipsychotic is probably going to be more effective than an SSRI. For some folks, this class of medication does improve appetite.

Does the facility not offer any religious programming? Dad's had visiting clergy and Eucharistic ministers come and even had a non-denominational service twice a week in the activities room.

HB

MaryEllenDaughter

He may need a med adjustment but also taking a break may help you too. .

MaryEllenDaughter