Just some thoughts

ghphotog

Just left my DW and she is sleeping more in her geri chair. She is digressing. I saw that blank look in her eyes and I know more of that will come. She reached for my face and caressed my face with a small tear in her eye. I don't know what that tear ment but I know she is growing weary of this long struggle.

I don't know where God has been, seemingly very distant then the thought occurred to me that maybe He is touching her physically through me. I'm sitting at the pizza joint havingy first beer maybe he is as heartbroken as I am.

I don't think it will be long but with this disease you can never tell.

charley0419

your breaking my heart, but I know what your feeling I see confused changes in her. This illness sucks!!

trottingalong

I’m not there yet with my DH, but I saw that blank look in his mothers eyes.

Caro_Lynne

gh have faith, even when we think God has abandoned us, He is there for us and will see us through this. My faith in Him is what is seeing me through the most difficult time in my life.

In a way I know God was kind to us. I was 24/7 caregiver to my LO for only two and half years before losing my him two weeks ago. I know many have been on this road much longer than that. Even though I know he is at peace, the grief I experience everyday is overwhelming. I hope in time I will only remember the good times but at this moment all I can think of is the times I lost my cool and what I could have done better. xo

Biggles

the tears come easily, the blank looks and confusion in my DH brings the tears, they fall and he no longer notices which is good. The gentle reminder from Caro Lynne to keep your cool in the tough times is thankfully noted. This morning we had push back and my DH wouldn’t get onto the bus for a ‘fun’ Melbourne Cup day but he was never interested in horses or in slapstick fun, he was a business man and still relates to that genre. Do they have to reduce everyone to the same level and show no respect to what was? It’s sad in all areas. After a stressful morning waiting for the bus, knowing he didn’t want to go, he has fallen asleep on the couch next to me. 💕

Jgirl57

sorry ghpotog, it is cruel our loved ones have to live in confusion. (Pizza is my comfort food also)

fmb

@ghphotog

I read your post with tears in my eyes for all of us who are at this end stage.

After three weeks of paradoxical lucidity where DH was laughing, speaking in complete sentences, initiating conversations, and joking, he has reverted back to his previous low baseline. His ascites and edema are back worse than ever, and his diuretic cannot be increased. He has been generally eating only about 20-50% of his meals. On the Tam Cummings scale, he fits all the characteristics of Stage 7 except he is not hyperoral and he can still smile. He often has a a tear in his eye when he sees me. It is only a matter of time.

I sat down tonight and made the list of the friends and relatives I will need to notify when he dies. Coincidentally, my best friend (who lives about 2 hrs away) emailed tonight to ask about hotels in my area for when he comes to the funeral.

I know that, like the "Footprints" prayer, I see only one set of footprints on my journey not because God has abandoned me but because He is carrying me in His loving arms. He is also carrying you and your DW and my DH. I'm praying for all of us on this terrible journey.

Another day...

Im thinking of you. My husband is not at end stage but this has been a very long, exhausting journey. My prayers are with you tonight.

SDianeL

so sorry. My husband passed Aug 12. God let him speak a full sentence to me before he passed. He had not been communicating. I said “I love you honey” and he opened his eyes and looked at me and said “I love you too Babe”. It was the last thing he said to me. He passed the next afternoon. Praying for your strength and her peaceful passing. Is hospice helping?