How many broken TVs is the limit?

AlzWife2023

DH gets peeved some nights if I ask him to brush his teeth and he gets worked up if his phone charger is not cooperating & this has led to an eruption of him throwing his phone on a few occasions. Last time he broke the TV. Time before just missed my head. He threw it tonight & I have not checked the TV for damage…just bought a new one…. Will check in the morning. Our two sons are very alarmed by the behavior, but I am used to it… 

Just wondering how many broken TVs before he loses privileges, in your opinion? LOL

He’s generally mellow but gets very triggered and nasty some nights. He usually just turns out the light in frustration & goes to sleep after an outburst. He yells & curses, too. He doesn’t have his hearing aids on in bed so that makes communicating in these instances difficult & sometimes almost impossible. 

I’m just venting I guess. A thing like this makes me think of how much everything and everyone revolves around his needs. Not news but …

Another day...

My husband does the same. If you have windows, get curtains to block reflection, cover TV with a cloth or towel. Reflections at night in window or TV screen trigger anger. Find out what TV shows or music your husband loved as a kid/ teen and play series or music at night.

Get good case cover for phone perhaps with rubber edging so it has more bounce and softer edging.

AlzWife2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227604#Comment_227604

Thank you for all this practical advice. It’s so good not to feel alone on this! How did you discover that reflections trigger anger?

Another day...

Just observing him. A lot of therapist/ people say don't bother trying to figure out why they do things. That's wrong, sometimes you can. My husband carries so many items in his pockets and wears layers of clothes. He cannot remember where he puts things so thinks people are stealing clothes etc..It is logical thinking in his illogical world. His mind is playing tricks on him but responses make sense.

Another day...

He has aged but his mind is locked at age when it started. When my husband sees reflection, he does not recognize his older self. He also recognizes our kids but favors photos and activities from when he brain changed. My kids were about 1, 3 and 5. I've been living this a long time. My oldest is 16 now.

Another day...

My husband broke a lot of phones too. :)

AlzWife2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227608#Comment_227608

Thanks for writing. Eleven years. That’s rough! It’s what I’m expecting even though he’s 81. It goes slow. I’m 52. Our youngest is 23. I have 3 adult kids who help me. God bless you for doing this while raising kids! You’re amazing. I’m sorry tho. My DH had symptoms while my youngest was still a kid but I thought he was just being a lazy jerk. He was apathetic, circular conversations, forgetful, lethargic, disconnected. It seems to have started in 2017 after minor stroke, then he lots of surgeries with anesthesia, then radiation and hormone treatment for prostate cancer. I think all of that brought on the dementia. Maybe he’d have gotten it anyway. Who knows. His mother had it.

Do you work outside the home?

Another day...

I joined your early onset group and added description. Yes, I had to give up full time job to drive my kids to and from school and care for him and my mother..both dementia..

SDianeL

some suggestions: 1) Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which really helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. 2) Talk to his doctor about his agitation. There are medications that can help. 3) In the book mentioned above it explains why they don’t shower or brush their teeth. It’s because they forgot the last time they did those things or think they already did them or they forget how to do them. You can longer tell him to do things you must help him. I would fix his toothbrush and tell him it’s time to brush and show him the toothbrush & wait while he does it. Routine matters. Same time everyday maybe before bed. 4) My husband refused to wear hearing aids at all. 5) you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. He won’t understand privileges. It will only make him more agitated. 6) Have the children read the book too so they understand it’s the illness and not him. His agitation is a danger to you and the children and he could become violent. He needs to be on medication. Have a safe place where you can lock the door and call for help if you are concerned about your safety. His ability to operate things like phones, chargers, TV’s and remotes will soon be gone. For now you need to help him. Tell him they’re broken and you will fix them (fib). So sorry you are going through this.

Another day...

I have that book and jump to sections as needed. Time change led to more anger though we have been dealing with that for years. He is better than he was in the beginning but we are looking at Respiridol ? Spelling?

He has phone but it is rarely on anymore. I'm looking into installing camera to check on him during day while I'm working. Considering a device like Alexa where I can call and video chat. Not sure on that yet.

I took knobs of stove and washing machine.He mostly cares for pets, chickens. I built him a bird trail which he is in charge of changing bird feeders. We play Little House on prairie at night continuous. Lol

AlzWife2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227613#Comment_227613

Thanks for all your suggestions. He definitely can’t use the remote. He’s been really good about brushing teeth except when he’s too tired; it comes in waves actually. If I try to lead him to brush his teeth he gets really mad. He’s just too tired at night. If I’m tuned into him all day it seems like he can do more…if I’m distant because I’m tired or fed up it seems like he withdraws more and gets more agitated. I know he has no idea what he’s doing. I lead him to the shower and wash him. I’m not concerned about safety: I’m much stronger younger and bigger than he is.

Biggles

if it wasn’t so serious it would be funny, I do like seeing the lighter side of all these happenings. We’ve gone through 4 new mobile phones and a couple of old ones and a new wired in phone so far. Apparently they are all crap not working (they were all working) but I figure it’s only a little expense to outlay and very satisfying to my DH especially when a new phone arrives. I only buy inexpensive phones or gadgets he can fiddle away to his hearts desire with no SIM card in them there’s no harm. 36 Hours sounds like it would be a very informative read. My DH is also very suspicious of reflections so down come the blinds at night, he is also suspicious of tradesmen, kids walking along the street and most other things. But its this awful disease it’s not him, my heart goes out to him. It’s such a hard sole destroying job that we are all doing take care of yourself as much as possible.

charley0419

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227629#Comment_227629

funny you mentioned the funny side don’t know your age but I refer to some conversations as talking to Professor Irwin Cory. If your not familiar Youtibe

Another day...

I have to have a sense of humor not only for me but for our kids. We have three teens. My DH steals all our phone chargers. I say probably " hoohoo did it " .I had to clean out the shed and he was asking why I was getting rid of stuff, my 13 yr old came to me and said, " Don't worry, I'll ask him to make me mac n cheese and I will help him. Distraction tactics with teens work great. :)