Narcissists , before & after dementia ...

Victoriaredux

I recall a number of posters mentioning that their parent , now with dementia , was cold and a narcissist even before the disease manifested . By accident I came across this interview on narcissists . Who knew how many flavors there are! It's a real ketchup factory.

I found it interesting that one of the ways to deal with this personality is like advise given here on how to deal with dementia . Don't engage in arguments . Keep it superficial.

Posted because I think it is natural to want to make a final connection , break through, have a happy time at the end especially with a parent but , and I'm not a medical person , it seems like it would be very difficult. This personality seems to make the caregiving even harder .

You're providing safety . Trying to please a dementia impaired brain is pretty impossible , tack on narcissism and well... so be good to yourself. You deserve it.

text link below- link posted in case clicking on photo doesn't open

https://alzconnected.org/home/leaving?allowTrusted=1&target=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxYuE5ZkDkig

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYuE5ZkDkig&ab_channel=DhruPurohit

SusanB-dil

Sorry, it won't 'play' for me…

But "Don't engage in arguments . Keep it superficial." sure rings true with my mom. Things have been a little better since she thinks I'm her sister, but I find I still walk on eggshells, anyway, probably habit.

JM27

Hi.

It won’t play for me either. But thank you so much for sharing. Exactly what I’m dealing with unfortunately.

Victoriaredux

Here it is in text -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYuE5ZkDkig

Emily 123

I do think it makes the caregiving harder because the parent and child’s behaviors are established from early on. I don’t think my mom is a full on covert narcissist, but she has some of those traits. She was raised fairly rigidly, she was never comfortable sharing emotions or needs, and was raised to endure and not ‘bother’ people. So she tends to use supressed anger to get her way—She won't tell you what she's mad about, but you know she's mad, and you’d better figure out why and fix it. Walking on eggshells is right.
That behavior still comes through, though she’s much better on Lexapro, & the dementia makes her increasingly resistant to care. It's really wearing to feel apologetic for Mom’s behaviors. I have to work hard to not do that. A lot of times it’s just easier not to have to deal with it. That, more than anything else, is so tiring. Society expects a good relationship between mother and daughter, and expects the daughter to be there for their mom. I know she loves me and wasn’t comfortable showing it, but it sure would make caregiving easier, you know?
Awareness of what drives my feelings helps, and lets me feel compassion for her. The lexapro and the dementia allows her to let down the walls sometimes and express her positive emotions too, which is nice. When that happens she’s able to thank me and is very sweet.

reny

my dad is a narcissist and when I last interacted with him there seemed to still be a lot of him still present. Hard to separate who he was to is now. I almost fall into the wishful thinking trap all the time. But then remind myself of the negative impact he’s had on my health and hold my boundary. Gut wrenching