Just sad! Rant.

marier · November 7

I am sad just plain sad. 10 years into this disease with my DH. No real end in sight. Days become weeks, week become years and the beat goes on! My DH is progressing toward his transition and I am wondering what the heck is next for me.

Today is rough. I can't stop crying. I just want to turn back the clock. The past memories make me cry and future is unknown. Trying to live in the moment. Difficult at best. I am going to finish crying, pick myself up and continue on my journey. THat is all I can do.

Carl46 · November 7

Sorry, Marier. Anyone would be sad in your shoes. I would be crying with you if I weren't on an antidepressant.

Aarron · November 7

I totally understand how you feel. I cry almost everyday missing my DH and how he used to be. I cry because sometimes I just don’t think I could do this another day let alone another year. I cry because my future is unknown. 6 years but who’s counting

blacksparky · November 7

so sorry Merier to hear how long you’ve been dealing with this terrible disease. I’ve only been a caregiver for my DW a little over a year now. I can’t fathom 10 years of this. Prayers being sent. 🙏🙏

fmb · November 7

((marier)) All I can offer is a hug and tell you that I get it. There are days when all I do is cry. Now that DH is very close to the end of his journey, everything triggers tears. Hospice ordered oxygen and a pain pack today.

CampCarol · November 7

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71127/just-sad-rant

I’m so sorry you have the ‘cries’ today (that’s what I call them). I never know what I’m waking up to, and my mood and or reaction to what is or is not happening can vary wildly day-to-day, sometimes ridiculously so. You’ve been a caregiver for a long time, remember your feelings are valid. I’m glad you were able to post here as an outlet, you’re not alone!

midge333 · November 7

I am sorry. You have put into words what I feel everyday. Thank you.

RayeMc · November 8

I identify with you completely. When the first emotion you feel upon awakening in the morning is sadness and then quickly followed by dread, you wonder what it is doing to your own body, much less your spirit. I'm about at year 11 and I see no end in sight. I am also the caregiver for my 38 yo son who has Down syndrome but I honestly don't know if I could cope with DH if I didn't have my son to brighten my day!

Biggles · November 8

I too have been on this never ending story for 8 years my understanding of this awful disease has grown and so my patience, gentleness and caring has increased enormously but so have my tears. Every day any thought or conversation the tears will form. I don’t like thinking when will this end but how will this end. The journey is so hard but the thought of life with out him is awful and yet I am very independent but he is my life. It’s his 77th birthday today my 75th birthday was yesterday and we are having a few days away which is sort of working but you can’t escape your life, so it perhaps is making it a little tragic. I look at all the good bits where we are staying, the kind people around us but I only cry more. Like you, thinking of the past makes me cry, the future makes me cry, and the moment, as sweet as some of our moments are like dancing in the apartment, a bottle of unopened bubbly also make me cry. I feel so much for you and understand totally. Hugs.

Biggles · November 8

Cindy9519 · November 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71127/just-sad-rant

I’m so sorry you are struggling-it is familiar and yet tragic all the same. I’m glad you shared your pain with people who really understand what you are going through.

Crushed · November 9

You have my total sympathy and support. I hit the 10 year mark in 2020 right in the start of Covid . I'm up to 14 now. DW has been 7 years in memory care and has had no cognitive function for 4 years. She is only 70 and her body is strong . She is on hospice
What can I say? She is the love of my life. We used to travel on a houseboat with her family or in an RV with our kids. Sometimes at 2 AM I imagine she is whispering in my ear "can you be VERY quiet? " What a woman I married 49 years ago.
I hope you also can find joy in memories.