I am a child of a parent with Dementia with Aphasia

Katherine W

Hello

My father has Dementia with Aphasia. My stepmother and sister have been his caregivers over the years but now mom has Metastatic Breast Cancer so will need to focus on that. I am flying to Texas to take over his care. I am new to this. So far he is starting to have "accidents" ie, cannot make it to the toilet due to his jeans being too difficult to get off so he can use the men's room. He is now wandering the house without pants according to my family. Also, my sister said he walked into the doctor's office the other day with a lit cigarette in his mouth…

My focus will be to get him on a good schedule, change his diet, monitor his remaining meds as well as take over the bookkeeping. Any suggestions are welcome and much needed.

Respectfully,

A daughter

H1235

Welcome! I would suggest depends or maybe sweatpants to avoid accidents. If he walked into the doctors office with a cigarette I gather he might be grumpy about being told what he can and can’t do. People with dementia loose so much that they often dig in their heals and get mad at the person trying to keep them safe. He is not able to make good decisions now. Going against what he wants can be difficult, but necessary. It sounds like your sister may have a problem with this if she is letting him go into the doctors office with a cigarette. Avoiding conflict by changing the subject or putting something off can sometimes work. Therapeutic fibs can also be helpful. It’s all about keeping the person with dementia safe and cared for while also letting them feel in control. It a difficult line to walk. I think I would suggest spending a bit of time getting familiar with the current routine and situation before you make to many predetermined changes. Thread carefully your sister and mom may be offended. Interacting with a PWD can be tricky. I have attached a cheat sheet that may be helpful. I would also checkout some YouTube , Tam Cummings is great. Good luck.