Memory Care

LisaA

My Dad was just placed in a memory care facility. I live in a different state and would like input on how much time I should spend with him when I am in town. I don’t want to disrupt his schedule. A little info about his current condition. He knows who we are, he can shower and dress himself. He needed help with medication, cooking and laundry.

psg712

Does he have family who live near him and are involved in his care? If so, get some ideas from them on his tolerance for visits, trips out of the facility, time with groups of people. If there are no nearby family members to ask, the facility staff may be able to guide you since they observe him daily.

The farther along in the stages of dementia a person is, the less he can adapt to changes in environment or visits from multiple people at once … especially later in the day. Your dad sounds like he's still pretty functional with some ADLs although you mention he's in memory care rather than assisted living, so I'm guessing there is some cognitive impairment. I'd still check in with those who know his routines best.

Emily 123

Agree with psg.

A lot of times the the thing that limits visits is if the PWD is not happy about the move to MC and starts blaming you—just seeing you will trigger an anxiety loop as they ask why they're there. If he's had a good move, then chances are you could visit for as long as he's up for it. I'd note that the move to a new environment tends to absorb a lot of the person's energy. Because his short term memory is affected, it's going to take a lot of daily repetition for him to imprint a new environment and routine. Everything there will seem new for a bit. That's going to use up a lot of his mental reserves, and so he may be more confused after the move, and/or start to get tired or foggy as the day goes by—local family may know when his 'best' time of day is. Sometimes it's nice to test the waters by going when there's an activity or meal planned so there's something to do & more opportunity for you to make a graceful exit when the time comes. Or maybe do something non-challenging like watch some tv together or look at old photos. To help him be successful in interacting you can reminisce with him, but not challenge him with '"remember when…?" Instead, say ''I recall a time when…". Don't be afraid to 'step out for a moment' and make your exit if your loved one starts getting agitated or tired. It's ok to end the meet up. Do yourself a favor and make some videos of your time with your dad, and if there are old family stories or histories that he can share, now's the time to get them. I'm so glad that when my mom was at about the same stage as your dad that I had her label a lot of her old photos with who/what/where. Hope you have some good visits!

sandwichone123

When my dh was first in memory care, I'd leave the third time he told me the food was "OH KAY," and then he got where he'd talk about what time it was and I'd know to leave. Now I leave when he starts trying to show me his girlfriend's room, or when I'm just so bored I can't take it for one more minute—about an hour.

LisaA

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227999#Comment_227999

Thank for taking time to share your helpful thoughts.

LisaA

All great ideas, especially the old photo idea. Thank so much for your advice.

easy23

I generally stay for an hour on a good day and 20 minutes when he is agitated.