Parent away from home and away from spouse

eoverton

My dad is now living with my sister in Arizona because she is able to care for him. My mother is back in their permanent home in St. Louis, Missouri. It’s difficult for them to be apart, but my sisters want to limit the communication between them because my dad gets irritated and it makes him want to go home or talk about going home more. Is that OK to limit communication between them? I don’t feel right about it.

harshedbuzz

Behavior is communication. If dad gets upset after talking with mom, then the kinder thing to do is to protect him by removing the trigger. Medication might help with this.

It sucks when the trigger is a concerned and beloved family member, but if dad can't deal, it's best to take a break until he's more settled at your sister's. I feel very strongly that the hands-on caregiver has the final say.

HB

mabelgirl

I agree that the caregivers need to be the ones determining the right course. Unless you are there full time with a PWD you can not appreciate the struggle fairly. Hopefully your Dad will settle in at your sisters and with proper care and medication be able to communicate with his wife. It’s a shame they couldn’t move together.

NizhoniGrrl

It was like this when I traveled for work when my kids were little. My husband said it was better if I didn’t talk to them when I called home at night because it just reminded them I wasn’t there, they would get upset missing me, and it would break the rhythm/routine he had going to get them to bed. I wanted to talk to them because I missed them, but I respected his request because he had to handle them on his own and I didn’t want to make it harder for them or him.

Remember, it doesn’t feel right because it’s not normal. But he’s no longer normal and why cause him and your sister grief and agitation? For the principle? It’s an another loss to grieve.