Alone and missing friends. What to do?

OhDear

My DH is Stage 6 and is very agitated and even aggressive to anyone new coming into the house. DH's friends have passed or no longer able to understand how to deal with him. I barely do myself. He's at home with me as sole caregiver and it is draining me. Heartbreaking is when the day passes and he realizes no one else is coming by. How can I cultivate dementia-friendly, patient social interactions for us? He also has anosognosia.

trottingalong

Boy, I wish I had the answer. Hopefully someone on here has an idea or two.

White Crane

where I live, there is a monthly memory café. It’s a once a month get together for people with dementia and their spouses. You might check with your local Alzheimer’s association to see if they have anything like that in your area. Also, when my husband was still at home, we used to go to the park or to the mall and just sit for a while and watch the people go by. My husband especially enjoyed seeing the children. When we went to the park, he loved to watch them on the playground.
we also played cards with a couple from our church. It was always so nice to get together and relax over a game of rummy. I don’t know if any of this is helpful. I hope you can find some thing that will let you and your husband both, enjoy a social time with some other people.

sandwichone123

It sounds like he would benefit from a day program. If he functions too well to feel that he belongs there, many spouses have been successful in having their pwd "hired" to help with the others, or perhaps believe they're volunteering to help. It would provide him with some socialization, which it sounds like he's truly wanting.

​fesk

Seems to me, if the agitation and aggression can be controlled, you will many more options. Have you spoken with his doctor regarding this? If medical causes have been ruled out, please see if the doctor can recommend a medication to help.

jfkoc

It is rough! You have to change your life. Very hard and frought with emotions.

If you are able I suggest getting both of you out of the house…daily if possible. A walk, drive through lunch pickup, sitting in the park watching kids play.

those thing helped me and my husband. what helped just me was calling friends and family. I kept up with them, their families, their travels. I never discussed my husband or how we were doing.

Also I spent a lot of time sitting beside my husband. I was surprised how much one could actually accomplish sitting next to someone.

housefinch

I agree with Fesk that medication for the agitation and aggression is really important for your safety and his care. He will probably need it to control that behavior before he can attend a day program, etc. If your PCP isn’t comfortable prescribing then he can hopefully see someone who will. Best specialist would be a geriatric psychiatrist. You don’t really know what he is thinking or what he might do.

Biggles

I relate to jfkoc it’s very rough and you need to get out of the house daily either together or on your own. We used to walk (very slowly) down near the water and talk endlessly of our boating past. I found I could walk in a bit of a trance arm in arm so I didn’t loose him and be off in another world of thought. It was an interesting exercise. Then when that wasn’t working so well, we got a puppy ( a bit scary because it meant more work for me) but it has been the best thing, takes up so much of my time and my DH seems to know that I have to do this. We now walk down near the boats and people stop and talk ‘dogs’ so I get my socialising. We have also discovered‘Sailability’ which we both love and we can both do a little individual sailing, so again a little space for me, but I don’t know how long my DH will be able to keep going, then we will have to try something else. Day respite, making funny hats or colouring in just doesn’t suit. So who knows, on we all struggle. Just thought, another thing I do is at the right time put on some very soft music and sit and watch my DH the music soothes him and he sleeps, the music softens me and I cry, write poetry and think of the past. Perhaps it’s indulging but it’s facing what it is and encourages me to appreciate the fact that he is still here and keeps me gentle with him. Maybe some one can get something out of this, it’s such a relief to write it down.

Biggles

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/228091#Comment_228091

I love the idea of a monthly memory cafe thank you I’m going to pass this on to one of our facility organisers.

OhDear

An update - he's started on Hospice. They have been incredibly responsive with the medication and it is helping so much. We just had a volunteer come visit. It helped us both although my DH started to get aggressive with me towards the end when he got tired. So with a Music Therapist, a Home Health Aide and now the volunteer for 30 minutes at a time. It has been great. I will check into a monthly memory cafe now that he's getting more stable with the medication. Also, sitting in a park watching dog walkers and children playing has worked very well, too. Thanks for all the suggestions!