Should I share my own surgery recovery with my LO that is in assisted living?

marmarmar

I have been caregiving for my mom for 4 years, moved her to assisted-living two months ago. I was consistently visiting her 4 to 5 times a week to assure her she is still loved and we are not abandoning her. She has vascular dementia and is resistant to much care so she doesn’t let the assisted-living staff do hardly anything and sits alone a lot.

Anyway, I had major surgery last week and I am in a neck brace for two months with a very painful recovery. I will not be able to visit her as much and I need to concentrate on my recovery.

My question is do I keep telling her that I have had surgery and this is why I’m not visiting her. She cannot remember and when I call her, she just doesn’t understand why she is living there and why I’m not coming to see her, then when I tell her I had surgery she just gets upset and wants to come to my home to help, she said she’ll take a cab and other irrational things.

Do I just not call her? I’m not sure what to do.

Whyzit2

IMO just tell her you will see her soon or tomorrow. She has lost the sense of time. Skip telling her about your surgery and you will avoid causing her the stress of wanting to come and take care of you. Keep your conversation light and loving and you both will be better off.🥰

H1235

You said when I tell her I had surgery she gets up set. That give you the answer. If it upsets her don’t tell her. I would make up some excuses. Even something close to the truth. “ My neck is really bothering me today, I just don’t feel up to getting out.” Hope you have a speedy recovery

marmarmar

Thanks, I tend to agree and probably will not mention my surgery anymore. It’s just hard but all part of the disease and journey. Thanks for responding.

Quilting brings calm

I will be out soon mom- I’ve been really busy.

My car is having issues mom. I will be out to see you soon.

Quite honestly I wouldn’t go until you are weaning out of the brace and can be in her AL without it. It will just upset her. I had to wear a cervical-thoracic brace for two months a couple years ago. I didn’t go to my parents’ AL until I was out of it for two hours a day.