Loved one in facility

ColleenN1107

Hello everyone. I am thinking about getting my LO in a facility, as I am unable to get back to work otherwise. My question is...for those who have your LO in a facility and you take them out for the day for whatever reason, is it easy to get them to go back to the facility, or do they hesitate and argue. Just trying to prepare for everything, since I would like to bring my LO home or out occasionally. Thanks and have a great day!

H1235

It probably depends a lot on the person. Most would probably suggest not taking a lo out for a week or two to give them a chance to get settled. You will want them to have a chance to meet people and join some activities. If you are taking your lo out (at least at first) it may interfere with this. A facility may also give a recommendation. My mom is not very happy about being in AL and believes there is no need for her to be there. She is sometimes very mad about it. But we usually take her out about every other week and have not had a problem yet. I believe most that have a lo in MC take their lo out very seldom if at all. Hope this helps.

ColleenN1107

Thanks. I just want to take her out occasionally for family celebrations and stuff, but didn't know if it'd be an issue and I would not think of doing it until she is acclimated fully.

easy23

I am not going to try to take my DH out. He gets so disoriented when he rides in a car, I don't know whether he would want to go back in. Not worth the risk for me to take. I am currently trying to figure out how to handle Thanksgiving.

H1235

Family gatherings can get very confusing for a person with dementia. My MIL was totally lost and had no idea what was going on at the big family gatherings (I think it was too much for her). SIL even took her to a funeral out of state. She was so confused, didn’t even remember the person had passed the day after getting back. I think my mom will be fine for now, but the gatherings are much smaller. I have seen it suggested that the person with dementia be brought to a separate room and families go in to visit a few at a time during big gatherings.

Emily 123

It really depends on where they are in their disease, and if they're ok with moving into the facility. If your LO's amenable to the move and can adjust then it should be easier. Something you may see as the disease progresses is that they end up preferring to stay in the facility more. The 'outside' presents too many choices & challenges that they've lost the ability to navigate. So while early on I'd bring my Mom over for lunch and dinner, as she started to get more foggy later in the day it became lunch and some patio time, then just 1-2 hours and even then she'd start to get antsy (because she had no short term memory to help her keep track of time) and would want to leave. Finally we'd just do a 30-45 minute lunch near her place, and once we did the move to MC I'd just visit—she was a bit of a fall risk, so no car trips for us. At some point group gatherings become a lot to handle too — you'll be able to tell. Mom's facility does a nice spread a few days before any official holiday, so we do that. She wouldn't know it's a holiday from moment to momnt at this point…

psg712

I haven't had trouble getting my mom to go back to her facility. It has become her safe place. I've brought her to my house for holiday gatherings (our family is small, so it's not too chaotic) and the occasional lunch ... but she lasts about an hour then lays her head down on the table. At that point she's done. Time to go "home".

Like Emily's mom, mine really has no concept of the season or holiday anymore. Truly my motivation for bringing her over now is for visiting family to see her. With her recent falls, I'm even less inclined to have her traveling out of the facility.

ColleenN1107

Thank you for your responses, they shed alot of light on the situation.

mabelgirl

My mom at first liked to “escape” . Then she started to show reluctance to get out. Now she wouldn’t leave unless we forcefully do it. It’s only been 4 months since she moved to her ALF. She never gave any problem with returning and she did enjoy the break. As most things in dealing with a PWD , how it plays out depends on the person, stage and you.

CaliforniaGirl-1

The answer to this may change over time and then change again as your LO's physical condition evolves and the disease progresses. The question I ask myself about so many things is: Is this something my LO will enjoy, is capable of doing and I am capable of managing so it is safe, now, in her current condition or am I doing it because I am still focused on what I would like instead of what she is capable of? (A constant discussion with myself)

At the beginning of MC we could not take my LO out because she was not acclimated and there was concern about getting her back. Then later we were able to go out to lunch with me and another family member a few times, but there needed to be someone with her constantly or it wouldn't be safe. I think she enjoyed it. Now, I wouldn't try it and she would find it overwhelming and stressful, so I try and bring the family celebrations to her. Even those have become shorter with time. After a bit, it becomes clear she has had enough.

What worked for us: If and when, you do decide to take your LO out on an outing, make sure there is someone with them every minute. And be prepared if you need to take them back at any point, in case it becomes too much for them. If you are the person your LO recognizes and trusts and feels safe with then make sure you are available to be with them and are not tied up elsewhere.