Memory care

Buggytoo

These last few days may have been the saddest of my life. Our kids and I moved my DH to memory care on Tuesday. DH has been mostly calm but with anxiety and confusion in the mix. I am grateful he wasn't combative or accusatory towards me or the children. Now I am saddened and filled with a deep sense of loss I have never experienced before.

lenbury

Good thoughts.

Jgirl57

(((HUGS)))

Carl46

Buggytoo, I am so sorry for you and your LO. There is no bright side to this thing, is there?

JeriLynn66

Big Hugs ❤️

clarinetist

I’m sorry, Buggytoo. Each step in this long journey is painful.

Joe C.

Buggytoo, I know placement is typically more difficult on the caregiver than the PWD. Try to keep yourself busy especially spending time with family & friends and do things you previously enjoyed but have not been able to do as a caregiver.

Palmetto Peg

It is one of the hardest things I have ever done, too. And the sadness is there every time I visit and then leave him, and the guilt is almost overwhelming at times. But, I know he is doing better there than he did with me in a small apartment. He loves the activities, and has found his place there. Give it some time, and let your DH get acclimated. There is nothing good about this disease, but along the way we have to find some bright spots. Mine come when I see my DH laughing and singing along with the other residents in his MC, and his face still lights up when he sees me come in. Hugs to you in this difficult transition.

White Crane

Dear Buggytoo, my heart goes out to you. I understand that deep sense of loss you're feeling. When my DH went to memory care in January it hurt so much I wasn't sure I could survive it. I knew I was losing a part of my life and myself that would never be regained. A day at a time it gets easier to cope even though the loss is always with me/us. Please try to take good care of yourself in these coming days and weeks. Post on this forum often, talk to friends, cry when you need to, and allow yourself to do some of the things you want to do…things that bring comfort and perhaps some joy. Holding you close in prayer.

Brenda

Kat63

Sending hugs. So sorry for all that we have to deal with when our loved ones have this terrible disease. It is heartbreaking. I hope each day gets a little easier.

SDianeL

those of us who placed our LO know the loss you feel. It’s heartbreaking. Keep reminding yourself why you made the decision and try to stay busy and be around family and friends. Remember you are still his caregiver just in a different role. You will now make sure he is well cared for. Hugs.

Jazzma

Know that so many of us share your pain. Placing my DH in care 9 months ago was the hardest thing I've ever done, and it's still rare that I make it through a day without tears. He is doing as well as I could hope, though. And he's safe. Maybe that's the best we can ask. You'll be in my thoughts.

Jeanne C.

I echo all the sentiments above. Just be gentle with yourself. Hang in there.

Dio

Ditto everything already said. After seeing how DH has acclimated well to the facility and his miraculous "recovery," I am now convinced, and comforted, in knowing that placement in this particular MCF has been the best decision for both of us. The guilt has been lifted off my heart and conscience.

lostdaughter58

I was very depressed after we put my Mom in memory care. It took quite a while for me to adjust to her being there. She has been in 14 months now, and I can honestly say, it was the best decision for not just her but the rest of the family as well. Give yourself some time to adjust. It does get easier.

Biggles

There is nothing good about this horrible, hideous disease. I feel your pain and despondency. I have trouble leaving my DH with a day carer, I don’t particularly want to go any where without him and feel so flat when I do. Just thinking about not having him at home all the time sends me into such a spin. Good advice and experience is coming forth from those who have been through this piece of the journey listen to them, its good to hear how others have coped. Take heart, give your self time.

BPS

After my wife has in MC for a little while I started second guessing myself and thinking, maybe I should bring her back home. It is easy to not remember how bad things really were. My only thought is if you start to second guess yourself be very careful because you made your decision for a reason and trust that it was a good decision.

aquistad

> @Buggytoo said:
> These last few days may have been the saddest of my life. Our kids and I moved my DH to memory care on Tuesday. DH has been mostly calm but with anxiety and confusion in the mix. I am grateful he wasn't combative or accusatory towards me or the children. Now I am saddened and filled with a deep sense of loss I have never experienced before.

I am so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. I work at a MC and it is always so hard to see the families having to make one of the biggest decisions they will have to make. There are a lot of our family members that have come back to us after that transition period after the move and thanking our associates because it truly made it better for both them and their LO. It changes the dynamic from you being the caregiver to being able to see them as your LO again and being able to enjoy visiting while knowing they are cared for. Look up support groups in your area, ask the MC community if they know of any support groups near you, talk with other family members in the community. You may be able to build a relationship with another family member that is going through the same thing and be able to support one another. There are a lot of resources out there that may ease a little bit of that grief/guilt/sadness.

addy103

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71196/memory-care

I placed my husband in MC about three months ago. It started with a visit to geriatric psych unit and then to MC. He was very combative but they adjusted his meds and got his temper in order. He had to be placed because of his aggression both physical and verbal towards me and others. He still asks to go home and the first fews weeks is heartbreaking-it's still heartbreaking, but I am safe and he is safe. He seems to be settling in and has made friends. He even has a girlfriend, which takes adjustment, but at least he is happy.