How do I respond to her confusion?

clcares

What is the best way to handle when your early onset spouse is saying for the first time over and over again she doesn't know who I am? Brought out pictures but she doesn't remember me. I need advice on how to respond in this situation.

Dio

Who does she think you are? If she doesn't know, then pretend you are a close friend, and say you are there to help, to keep her company and/or to keep her safe. Just try to play along. It's heartbreaking when our LO doesn't remember us, but stepping into their "reality" may help.

jsps139_

When they can’t go to your reality, you go to theirs. My DH asks me every evening … where do you live? I’m not sure who he thinks I am. I say … here … then instantly talk about the view out the window. “This is such a pretty view here. Don’t you love it? Do you like living here?” The conversation takes a turn and he forgets all about where I live and tells me how much he likes living in our retirement community. He tells me all about it like it’s my first day here. This has happened every single evening for months now. Changing the subject works every time for us.

erv51

This is my first time posting, and I'm crying as I'm writing. I can so relate. My DH thinks I'm his therapist, and the sad thing is, there is no therapist. We have been married 54 years and it hurts my heart when he doesn't recognize me as his wife. This sometimes last a few minutes, or a day. Today it's been bad, so I am having a pity party, no easy answers.

fmb

@erv51 You're not having a 'pity party', you're grieving, and you have every right to do so without beating yourself up over it. These incremental losses hurt, and this is one of the ones that hurts a lot. ((Hug))

DH hasn't known my name in many months. He sometimes knows I'm wife, but thinks I'm his late wife who died 25 years ago. We've been together 22 years (married for 15). When he doesn't remember at all, I just tell him I'm that lady who comes to visit and fusses over him. He used to joke that his marriage vow was to "Love, honor, and agitate the wife." Now I tell him that my marriage vow was to "Love, honor, and fuss over the husband." This usually elicits a smile. He doesn't remember the names of his daughters nor his favorites aides at the ALF, either. He still usually gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me when I leave, and that's good enough for me.