When’s the time for a nursing home?

sad_daughter

Hey everyone, my dad is 94 with stage 6 Alzheimers. He lives with my mum who is 90 and they’ve had carers 3 x a day. We are in the UK. Dad’s just had a hospital stay for getting on for two weeks due to an infection. He’s very wobbly on his legs and has had some falls. He can’t shower by himself or dress himself and he’s now incontinent too. Since being in hospital he can’t feed himself either. He hallucinates regularly too and tells us all about the people in the house having parties. We are struggling as I work full time and even four care visits a day leaves mum with 20 hours a day on her own with him. He wanders in the night (only in the house) but I’m fearful for his safety. Making the decision to move him to a nursing home is so hard so I’d love to hear when others felt the time was right and made that decision.

SusanB-dil

Hi sad_daughter - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Usually, the saying is that if you are thinking about it, then it is probably time. It sounds like he's become a lot for both of you to handle. Do consider - that if you do - he would be with more carers 24/7, you and mum would not have your hands full so much. But you would still be available and be his advocate.

yes, 'this' is hard. anyone here would probably tell you we HATE 'this'. !

sad_daughter

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/228859#Comment_228859

thank you ❤️

mabelgirl

My sister and I just had this discussion yesterday with her friend who was considering but hesitant to put her mom in an ALF. I most people have heard such negative things about “homes” that we don’t want to consider it. I was waffling right up to the day I moved my mom out of my house to an ALF. Once she was there she was content and got along just fine. I am of the belief we have to do what’s not only best for the PWD but for entire family dealing with it. Prayers for peace.