Caring for dad

chris212

Hello,

I am at a loss for words as to how to handle my father with dementia. He was diagnosed over a year ago and was holding up ok for awhile but it has taken a turn for the worse. Recently, he has become very aggressive and has become physical with his family. I had to call 911 this week because we just couldn't handle it. All efforts to calm him down just didn't change anything. When trying to find him a home for placement, I have been given the feedback that no one will take him due to him darting right for the door, being that irritable and becoming physical. Honestly I completely understand where they are coming from, they shouldn't have to take someone who will up end everything at the home with chaos. So now I am stuck, I can't have him come home to my 70 year old mother who is having a hard time taking care of herself let alone dealing with my dad. She already is very fearfull of him. Would anyone have advice as to how to go about this. I keep telling the hospital that it would not be a safe discharge and I will not bring him home to my mother and pretend like everything will be ok. So now where do I go? I just feel like I have spent days looking at everything and still have no real answers. Any advice on what his long term and short care solutions might look like? Appreciate any advice that could help me.

psg712

Keep telling the hospital that he cannot be cared for safely at home. Don't let them talk you or your mom into "trying" a home discharge. You should have a discharge planner or case manager working for the hospital on appropriate placement; hold them accountable to this.

Is he being seen by a psychiatrist at the hospital? The right medication could make enough difference in his behavior to allow facility placement. If there is a senior behavioral health unit at your hospital, request a transfer for your dad to that unit in order to work on the right combination of meds for him. It takes time. Stick to your guns. You are doing what is best for both your dad and your mom.

cdgbdr

Agree that a geripsych or behavioral health unit is needed.

AmandaF

I agree with the others about meds - Seroquel helped us enormously in a similar situation. I would add that not all MCs are created equal, and you might have to ask around a little to find one that works for you. Some of them are more up for a challenge than others. Good luck - it’s all very difficult but your parents are lucky to have you helping them.

H1235

I agree with the other. You should absolutely not bring him home. Don’t let them talk you into it. He needs proper medication and that requires the right doctor and some time to figure out the correct dosage. Because he is a harm to himself or other you should be able to request a transfer to Geriatric psych. Hold your ground and don’t feel guilty ( easier said than done I know).