Any luck with caregivers?

KathyF1

My DH is in early stage 6. I’ve tried 4 caregivers. Every time he starts off positive with their visits and by the 4th or 5th time he’s agitated that they are there. Follows me everywhere to get away from them. Granted not one of them has done what I expected to bond with him. They start off very conversational etc and that fades. So I’m paying them for nothing, it actually makes things worse. Any ideas of what I should look for in a caregiver that will be skilled enough to make him feel comfortable?

Biggles

I have had the same problems with care givers. They start off quite positive but run out of things to keep my DH interested in and he runs out of being interested in them. I’ve decided not to pay out any more money until I can figure this out. For a past businessman/pilot/yachtsman it’s belittling to put him on a bus trip to a ‘fun lunch’ or dress up day. I have told them he’s not a ‘fun’ person. I don’t think they know what to do with him. He shadow’s me all day; we actually have a lovely time together. We have a number of places that we can go to, picnics, sushi near the river, walking trails in the park, fish & chips at the beach etc but it is just us two and so a little isolating and lonely for me. My DH was getting quite stressed about who is coming today and it was making things worse so it’s now better at the moment without anybody. We go out every day and I even do our daughters floors each week, it’s somewhere directed to go with a specific job, it’s familiar for my DH, we can take our puppy and have a cup of tea and my DH can watch TV it ticks a few boxes! (she does pay me a nominal amount, which generally goes on milkshakes etc) it’s so hard to find some sort of balance with this horrible illness. Good luck.

howhale

I have been fortunate to find two very caring ladies who are caregivers for my wife who is in stage 5-6. What I did find quickly was that I cannot be in the house when they are with her or her attention turns to me only and she wants them gone. They rotate days so only one is here each day but when they arrive, I leave the house for "errands or appointments". We are lucky in that we have an apartment above our garage where I can hang out to rest or do the things that the household needs completed. I do grocery shop or set up appointments during those windows. We found that upon my return, it interrupts "her time" with the caregivers, she becomes suspicious and her mood goes angry quickly. I try to return at the last minute and depart quickly after their arrival. That works much better for us. I also arrange for the nurse or social worker to come during the window when the caregiver is here as the visit goes much better. Otherwise my wife deflects all communication to me, reducing the value of their visit. I communicate with them ahead of time and following the visit.

jfkoc

A thought, maybe they are trying to connect to much and it is over stimulating.

Kat63

My DH is in stage 6 and I have had numerous different caregivers to stay with him to give me some time for me. As I don’t have set hours or time I have had to use agencies and they send someone different each time. I have found my DH does okay as long as I am not gone for more than 2 hours. If I am away any longer he gets very restless with them and tries to get as far away from them as he can. So it is what it is but at least I get some time for me once or twice each week an hour or so at a time.

CampCarol

I had the same issue, paying for caregivers who do nothing. Some were good about his ancillary care (laundry, etc.), but couldn’twouldn’t relate to him. I found that DH was basically hiding in his bed until I returned most of the time. (I have to have somebody because I am also a caregiver for my mom, so I need to get out at least one afternoon a week to take her to Dr appts, errands, etc.) I am now on my 4th agency, and hopefully have finally found somebody that he likes. However she is the opposite of the other aides: she really doesn’t proactively do anything other than try and keep him company. I have to ask every time if she can help change his bed or whatever. Yesterday when I got home, the kitchen was a mess, and he had spilled food on his sweatshirt from lunch. I’ve decided that since he’s so enamored with her, I’ll deal with everything else (although it irritates me since care is expensive). I guess my point is to pick what’s most important to you and go after that, anything else is icing.

KathyF1

Thank you all for your input. If I could just find someone he would stay with while I leave for a couple of hours- but he’s joined at the hip with me. For now I think my best option is to give myself a mental break while he naps. If he’s awake I try to take him somewhere to entertain him. But strangers I think just make him feel insecure. No easy answers with this disease.

Kat63

I have also had more success as of late as I told him the caregiver has applied for med school (which is true) and he wants to work on his people skills so he wants to visit people just to get use to talking with people of different ages etc. My DH seems so much better with him as he doesn’t see him as being a caregiver for him. Just something else that has helped.

SDianeL

the caregiver the VA referred was great. She came one day each week. She just sat and listened to him tell the same stories over and over and help him with the TV remote. I would feed him breakfast and she arrived about noon. I would leave immediately. I would only be gone up to 4 hours max. I didn’t expect her to try to entertain him. He called her “my lady” and looked forward to her coming. She was very calm and soft spoken.