Scared

TonnishaB

My mom was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last year. I noticed her memory was slipping a lot before the diagnosis but my mom kept blaming it on old age, at the time she was around 66-67yrs old. She’s now 69 and she refuses to accept her diagnosis even though she been rapidly losing her memory and has been hallucinating and very paranoid. I make her appointments and get her meds but she refuses to go to appointments so I made them virtual but she doesn’t cooperate. She refuses to take her meds to slow down the progression. I don’t know what else to do. My older brother lives with her but he’s battling his own mental health issues so he’s not much help. I think it’s time for assisted living but it’s my mom and I don’t know what the next steps should be. She’s having more episodes than lucid days now. Any suggestions?

SusanB-dil

Hi TonnishaB - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Your mom has anosognosia. You should look it up… This is not denial, but rather, does not recognize that there is anything wrong at all.

You could try to get her to the doc by telling her she needs to in order to keep her insurance. Yes, one of the most difficult tasks is the meds. ugh!!

Also - she may not qualify for assisted living, but rather lean more into memory-care. Assisted living would want her to be able to manage a lot more on her own than what you say her progression indicates.

Quilting brings calm

Don’t worry about the memory medications. They only work for some of the people taking them. I think it’s more important to try to treat the hallucinations and paranoia. She has to be in her right mind to go to assisted living. Otherwise she needs a geriatric psych unit and then memory care. Assisted living is for people who can safely be in their individual apartment between meals or activities and overnight.

sandwichone123

Does someone have power of attorney for her so they are able to make decisions on her behalf? If not, she needs to create durable power of attorney and power of attorney for healthcare as soon as possible if she is still competent to sign. If not, someone would need to file for guardianship to be able to make decisions for her, and that is a much more difficult and expensive process. Better to find an elder law attorney and do the POAs if at all possible.

Emily 123

Hi Tonnisha,

I agree with others here. It will be better to try to get her on meds that control the hallucinations and paranoia. If you're trying to make her understand that she has health problems go ahead and stop having those conversations/arguments. You won't be able to convince her that she's having problems because the disease blocks her ability to make memories. That means that she can't remember what she's done or what she's seen or heard from one moment to the next. You'll get further by agreeing with her, even if what she tells you doesn't make sense.

This sounds unkind, but if you can't get meds into her to get her calmed down you may want to consider calling 911 the next time she has a hallucination/paranoia episode and have her taken to the hospital for inpatient treatment—they can get her started on meds, and you can work with her discharge planner/social worker to have her admitted to a facility if she's not safe to discharge home.