What to do? DH paranoid/ fearful away from home but need to visit my dying father

OhDear

My DH is Stage 6 and has been extremely agitated, anxious and verbally aggressive. He is stabilizing on Seroquel but still doesn't tolerate strangers or new places. I just found out that my father is in the hospital 5 hours north. He is only expected to live a few days. I have no aides or family able to care for him, the last nursing home asked me to take him home. I don't think he could do the trip without a problem. Anyone else faced this?

Carl46

I am so sorry you are facing this.

I would not consider taking your DH on a 10-hour road trip with overnight stay. That could be literally life-threatening for both of you. Just across town with a stage 6 PWD rattles my nerves.

As I see it, you have two options:

Respite care for a couple of days while you travel to see your father.

Failing that, call your father. Tell him you love him. Take care of yourself.

fmb

I am so sorry that you are losing your father and are in this situation. Is there any way someone at the hospital could arrange a video call so that your father could see and hear you and you could say goodbye? I understand your dilemma. Due to being my DH's only caregiver, I was unable to see my father before he died from ALZ in my hometown 1,000 miles away. Now my mother is in a MCF in the same hometown, and I will most likely not be able to see her again unless my DH (now Stage 7 ALZ w/heart failure) dies first.

Be gentle with yourself and do not feel guilty. ((hugs))

Lkrielow99

I’m sorry you are faced with this dilemma. This disease doesn’t care about anyone. I’ve not been faced with your exact situation. I’ve had a dilemma before and there is no wrong answer. I’ve always gone with the position that will bring the most peace in my life. The one that I can live with most, all choices sucks. We move forward. Always. Whatever you choose is the right answer for you. Whether you travel with him, FaceTime, find another home health company, ask a friend or stay as you are, no wrong choices. Much love to you and I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.

OhDear

Thanks for your replies! It is incredibly helpful to talk to those who really know what it's like to be taking care of a PWD. I decided not to travel. My parents understand. My father is still going and at peace. I will arrange for a Skype call or Zoom meeting when he returns home (which should be today). Three of my 4 siblings are with him and I am helping coordinate remotely so at least I am doing something. Thanks again for your understanding, wisdom and best wishes! It means so much —