Convincing Mom to Get Help

help4mom2024

Hi everyone,
We are having a very difficult time trying to convince my mom to get help or get caregiver. She’s been a very independent woman for a long time and given my father passed away a long time ago, she’s been alone for awhile so she’s had to take care of herself. But we are worried something bad is going to happen soon based on the number of “episodes” that keep occurring. She feels like she can control the issue and that no one will know. But given her diagnosis, family, friends and even coworkers are worried about her (ie leave stove on all night, leave the house and get lost etc…). No one but her family has confronted her about this. Has anyone found any strategies to help convince their loved ones to get a caregiver/go to a home?

We the family are just worried that there may be a catastrophic event and we will regret pushing harder to get help in the home.

trottingalong

There is a good chance your mother has anosognosia. She doesn’t recognize she has dementia. Her brain is broken and incapable of making those types of decisions. The decision needs to be made by the family members. It’s difficult. You can search on this site and find various tips and tricks people have used (fiblets) to accomplish this task. I’m sorry you are going through this, but your ultimate goal is always to keep your mother safe.

Mint

Sorry you are going through this.

I am not real good at this, so hopefully someone better than me will come along with better information.

The information you shared though is very concerning. Does your mother have a family physician and does she have a diagnosis? If she does, maybe you can get help through her physician. Even if she’s not giving him permission to talk to you, you can still tell the physician your concerns. If there is a business in your area called care patrol, I would also reach out to them to see if they can provide you with any help or suggestions. Your mother definitely should not be living alone from the things you mentioned. CarePatrol helps you get people placed and there is no charge to you. I found them very helpful in the placement of my mother. They are a nationwide business but it just depends if you have a franchise in your area if they’re available there or not.

If your mother does not have a physician and a diagnosis it becomes a bit more challenging. This is the scenario I had to deal with. I kind of had to wait for the shoe to drop and she landed up in the hospital and from there I got my mother placed. It still was not easy. It was a pretty tough week. If you cannot get your mother to be agreeable about being placed somewhere or going to live with someone then for you to be able to make the decision, someone is going to have to say that your mother is not competent to make her own medical decisions. I imagine someone is also going to have to have medical POA to do this maybe. Someone here may know for sure. That was not a problem for me as I did have a medical POA. In my case even though my mom was delusional, choosing not to walk but refusing placement psychiatrist was still not writing that my mom was medically incompetent to make her own decision. So what my sister and I ended up doing was telling her we have a place for my mother to go they have accepted her but if you’re going to say she’s medically competent then we’re stepping back and you and mom are going to have to decide what she’s going to do. She then wrote that my mom was not able to make her own decision medically and so then I was able to get her placed.

There is one other option also that someone told me they used. He had a family member who needed placed and was refusing placement. One day he went and found his brother smoking in bed. He contacted the police who came to check on him and then they were able to take him to the hospital to be evaluated. Then once in the hospital he was able to obtain placement for his brother. This was an option I always kept in mind, but that never worked out for me, but it sounds like maybe in your case both things you mentioned, this might be helpful to you.

Others will be along. I wish you well. A lot of us here have had to deal with this problem.