Epitome of Grief

Nowhere

Flying home yesterday with my husband from a lovely last hurrah holiday at a beautiful resort visiting good friends, our son, and grandchildren; he assimilates easily back into his memory care facility as he just doesn’t know, but I’m inconsolably choked with tears . During this getaway, I looked straight into my husband’s face, but it was Alzheimer’s, not his looking back. He grapples so with words, concepts, seatbelts, spit- anything tangible and everything is intangible.
He emulates all our smiles, but fleetingly. I attempt to remedy his sadness, “What would you like most of all”?
His answer, “My wife”.
“What happened to her?”, I asked.
“She left, or maybe, I left, I don’t know”.

SDianeL

so sorry. It’s heartbreaking. Hugs.

Biggles

Oh dear Nowhere I am in tears reading your post. I have felt this grief so deeply too when my DH has asked who are you and how did we get here, who was that on the phone (it was our dearest son) The grief of loosing your DH and yet they are still here is unimaginable. All the love that has been shared all the memories that have been made it’s tragic. Made all the more difficult when the speech has gone too. My DH will whisper long sentences at night just for me and I can’t make out a single word so I just snuggle and cry. Oh how I feel for you.

clarinetist

What a heartbreaking thing to hear. I’m sorry it’s so hard.

marier

There really no words to describe the pain and deep sadness I image you must of felt when hearing these words. I know for me it brings tears to my eyes. Sending you hugs.

White Crane

There are tears in my eyes reading your post. I, too, have looked into my husband's eyes and seen Alzheimer's instead of the man I married. The confusion and lostness is heartbreaking and I long to bring him back but can't. My heart goes out to you, Nowhere, and to all of us on this journey.

Brenda

midge333

Thanks for sharing. All of us on this journey will experience this. Heart-wrenching…

trottingalong

My heart will break into a thousand pieces the day my DH doesn’t recognize me. He always calls me the love of his life. I’m sending you a virtual hug. I’m glad you had a nice getaway with your family as well.

Beachfan

My DH passed in 2023, 13 years after first being diagnosed. I don’t remember when he no longer recognized me; he just sort of faded away, little by little. There was never any warning, never any overt instances of non recognition or confusion. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise- -?

Nowhere

This community of spouses and partners of afflicted loved ones understands and is always appreciatively “there”. Emotional fallout from Alzheimer’s is sometimes crushing. Posting our experiences here validates and lightens, as our sense of aloneness is comforted. Thank you! Beach Fan it’s so good to hear from you. Sending a special hug. I remember you and your husband fondly.

Beachfan

Thank you, Nowhere. He is missed today and everyday. There is a turkey in my oven and tomorrow there will be a chaotic get together at our daughter’s with too much food, too much wine, too many relatives all talking at once. He so loved those days, until he didn’t. Enjoy your day with DH; our lives are so fleeting.

A. Marie

Nowhere, I've been in Stage 8 for a year and a half now, and I can still confirm that I felt no pain greater than the pain I felt the day my DH looked straight at me and said, "Where's my wife?" The abandonment we all feel when this wicked group of diseases (Alz, Parkinson's, VD, etc.) steals our loved ones from us in this way is like no other.

__Dolly__

My heart goes out to you and this is inevitable thing to expect as the disease progresses and I am not sure if I will be strong enough to experience that. When we were watching the movie The Notebook, he tried to comfort me when he saw me crying by saying ‘I will make you remember me if you forget.’ I was stunned since it’s him that will forget me.

Joe C.

Nowhere, I feel your pain and know how crushing the loss of recognition is on us LOs. Although it ended sad it is great that you had a good trip to visit family & friends with no major incidents.