Intentional bladder retention

Lavendercranberry1

Hello. Foster mom has some form(s) of dementia that is currently remains undiagnosed even though doctors are certain of it. ..

Foster mom has been quite frequently in and out of emergency diagnosed mostly each time with an Uti. They give her antibiotics and send on her way.

I live with her and everyday a large amount of time that she informs me she has to use the restroom, she doesn't right away. She'll intentionally hold her bladder and is adamant that she's doing the "right" thing.

Sometimes it can be an few minutes, an hour or longer since informing me..then she finally goes.

I explain to her carefully that holding her bladder in keeps causing her to have bladder infections, and that the doctor's have instructed her not to hold it in many times already.

That holding in her urine won't help make her bladder stronger nor improve things.

She becomes hositle, aggressive, and verbally abusive towards me. She'll tell me that it's her body, and regardless of what anyone tells her, she'll do as she pleases with it, and that she'll go to the bathroom when she feels like it.

Also to stop nagging her about it.. That she's not going to immediately go, especially if she has to do very little..that she'll wait it out.

When she tells me those things, it's probably the dementia and perhaps her natural stubbornness speaking...

Other times, when I casually offer assistance to her going to the bathroom.. she'll tell me that she doesn't need assistance and has forgotten she had to go, but then goes without any hesitation.

Her cognitive skills and functional ability have declined since 2018. Although she remains fairly independent, her rationale has declined.

Sometimes when she's in the bathroom, I catch her taking her body rag and wiping the toilet and sink vanity with it, sometimes wiping her face or body parts soon after.

She doesn't wipe properly anymore, often telling me there's no need to wipe her bottom also, after doing number one. That she is aware of how to properly use the toilet.

I remove the rags, sanitize, and wash them ..give clean ones.... But that only lasts but so long until she's at it again ..

I bring it to her attention, what she's done ..but her understanding is limited...she may understand it for a few days, it never lasts permanently.

I caught her today for the first time, doing such with my wash rag and towel...so I have removed both and will keep them in a separate room.

Also her hygiene has declined and she wears the same pj's for a few days to a few weeks.. Often times she is in the bathroom "bathing" herself while I am unaware, sometimes asleep. She refuses to call me for assistance and often will put back on her unclean outfit.

She doesn't bathe often via sink ... because she gets too cold.

She has a strong unpleasant odor and doesn't realize that she should change and bathe often. She tells me her clothes don't smell and it's fine to wear again.

Two days ago, she has either resorted to intentional fibbing or perhaps it is her dementia ...she has been telling me that she has to go to the restroom, and by the time that i walk a few seconds to her room to assist her, She'll tell me that i must be hearing things because she didn't say that, and she doesn't have to go. She's done this multiple times already... sometimes 5 minutes to a half an hour apart from each other.

This seems to have the makings of a new regular occurrence.

What do I do?? Obviously I can't force her to relieve herself..

She will keep getting bladder infections and maybe hospitalizations.

What can the doctors do??