Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

First Waking Thought

WIGO23
WIGO23 Member Posts: 132
100 Comments 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 25 Insightfuls Reactions
Member

My first waking thought nearly every morning is “Oh no! Another day”!
I know I am depressed. I am a high functioning depressive right now. I do everything I need to do in our daily lives and take care of DH in all the ways he needs me. I am not perfect but I am here learning and adapting. Meanwhile, I am trying everything to relieve this soul stealing sadness. Those tools include —talk therapy, yoga, exercise, deep breathing, journaling, seeking support on this forum but NOTHING HELPS. I do not use medication because meds no longer work, which is not uncommon for those who have had multiple, long lasting episodes. I have had multiple depressive episodes in the past and knew I would eventually overcome and feel better. The tools would work.

But this is different—-I know our circumstances will likely get worse not better. I ask myself is it even possible to recover emotional balance when that is a logical, reasonable assumption that leaves you in sadness?

I am not seeking advice with this post. But does this resonate with others?

Comments

  • ronda b
    ronda b Member Posts: 113
    25 Likes 25 Care Reactions 10 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Yes

  • Russinator
    Russinator Member Posts: 49
    25 Care Reactions 10 Comments 5 Likes First Anniversary
    Member

    It's the same way with me

  • trottingalong
    trottingalong Member Posts: 461
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Care Reactions 250 Likes 100 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Your post is exactly how I feel and how I get through my daily tasks. Some days are better than others, but mornings always feel the same. Today I am sitting at the beach, watching the surf under blue skies and sunshine. It’s peaceful and been too long since I took the time to just enjoy the sounds. Thank you for your post.

  • fmb
    fmb Member Posts: 474
    250 Care Reactions 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
    Member

    Absolutely resonates with me. No meds for me either after being a zombie on them for 26 years.

  • Jo C.
    Jo C. Member Posts: 2,955
    Legacy Membership 2500 Comments 250 Likes 100 Care Reactions
    Member

    Anna; your Post is motivating, enlightening and comforting. You have done wonders under difficult circumstances on multiple levels.

    I would love to see your backyard, I can imagine it is flourishing beautifully under your caring hands.

    J.

  • Anna2022
    Anna2022 Member Posts: 189
    100 Care Reactions 100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Thank you, @Jo C. I'll post a picture soon - right now it's a mess in progress!

  • JC5
    JC5 Member Posts: 176
    100 Comments 100 Care Reactions Second Anniversary 25 Likes
    Member

    your situation resonates with so many. Thanks for sharing

  • CampCarol
    CampCarol Member Posts: 101
    25 Care Reactions 25 Likes 10 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    This post hit the spot for me today. Although I’m so sorry we’re all dealing with this, I needed to read again that I’m not alone with what’s happening. It’s been an extra rough few days here with DH, and I feel like I’m at my wits end. Reading your thoughts, advice and caring comments was a huge bolster for me. I will now hit the reset button on my feelings. Again. Thank you all!

  • RayeMc
    RayeMc Member Posts: 24
    25 Care Reactions 10 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions 5 Likes
    Member

    Oh, yes, it resonates. When your first emotion upon awakening each morning is sadness and your next one is dread, you question your ability to last until the end. I'm unsure that if I do survive there will be any thing left of me capable of finding enjoyment. This disease destroys the memory of one and the spirit of the other. It is a wretched, wicked disease for sure. I am so sorry so many of us are in this battle but it helps to know I am not alone.

  • LJCHR
    LJCHR Member Posts: 203
    100 Comments 25 Care Reactions 25 Likes First Anniversary
    Member

    It definitely resonates. If only there could be a good outcome to this disease. I fight constantly to try and not be sad, but it’s a challenge. My son-in-law passed away in June so my daughter, who was my support, now needs more support than me. My DH has been referred to an Oncologist for possible multiple myeloma. We are testing blood every 4 months since the bone marrow biopsy didn’t harvest enough marrow and my DH refuses to have another one because of the pain. He also says if it’s cancer he is not going to have treatments again. (He survived stage 4 colon cancer metastasized to 7 lymph nodes and liver in 2003). Our instinct is to do everything possible for survival, but his prognosis is dying from dementia. So I battle the guilt of thinking blood cancer would be quicker. Yet, with all of this my faith still allows me to count my blessings for each moment I have left with him. It’s a tough disease….peace to us all.

  • Dutiful One
    Dutiful One Member Posts: 48
    Legacy Membership 25 Care Reactions 10 Comments 5 Likes
    Member

    Yes, this absolutely resonates with me.

  • __Dolly__
    __Dolly__ Member Posts: 33
    10 Comments 5 Likes 5 Care Reactions
    Member

    Thank you for your kind thoughts. I’m new to this rapidly changing dementia of my DH and somehow we manage to still get busy with activities each day: it can be an art class (he loves to paint), going to a concert, watching a movie, reading for our book club, or binge watching old classic tv series (we just finished Sea Hunt and doing Columbo now). I try to avoid regular tv shows because the commercials upsets him.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more