Want to get this off of my chest

F&E

Hi y’all. I haven’t been reading or writing lately. May everyone find mercy ,under standing, acceptance and peace on your journey. My wife and I are not doing well on ours. She is in stage seven now. Stuck in bed or a Jerry chair not eating mumbling and looking like she is miserable. I cry every time I see her and get very depressed feeling bad for both of us. I don’t want to be a widower but today for the first time I prayed and asked God to take her she is not living a good life and won’t get better. I think she is suffering and I can’t help her accept to send her to Heaven.where she won’t be in agony anymore. I am so so so heart broken and miserable myself. Well if you have read this far thank you for listening. I would appreciate any and all kind words offered bye now

midge333

I am sorry. I hope her stage seven is short and her death is painless.

jehjeh

You came to the right place with your thoughts. My hubby isn't there yet but I know the day will come where he, too, is in this stage. It's difficult enough now, I can only imagine what you are going through.

Is she in hospice at this point? If not, is that an option? They were very helpful to our family when our mother was nearing end of life. They will be there to support you both.

I'm praying you find some peace, rest, and knowledge that you have done all you can.

Quilting brings calm

Pleased call hospice if you haven’t already. They were a wonderful support for me. As were the staff at mom’s assisted living facility.

fmb

My DH is also in Stage 7, confined to bed or a Broda chair, eating very little. We are probably down to less than three months. Hospice is our lifeline. They not only provide for his physical and emotional comfort, but they are also a great support to me. I highly recommend contacting them soon.

You are by far not the only one who has prayed for God to mercifully take their loved one and relieve them (and us) from suffering. I pray every day for God to have mercy on DH and grant him a painless and peaceful death. I know this will happen in God's own time, not mine, but the waiting is hard.

jen ht

Ours hands are in yours. We'll give your hand a squeeze from time to time. We're here - across the miles. 🕊

Vitruvius

F&E, your desire for an end to your DW’s misery is understandable. I too often hope that something will come along soon to end my DW’s suffering, and mine too.

My DW is 73 and in Stage 7f according to hospice (Fisher scale). If you were to see her you would think she was comatose. She has not opened her eyes or spoken a word in months. She does not move at all on her own. Her hands, arms and legs are noticeably contracted. Yet she will still accept food and eat puréed food if you tap her lips with a spoon. New born babies have this reflex and hospice tells me that dementia patients lose ability in reverse order, so the feeding reflex is the last to go. Having entered dementia as a healthy active person she has no comorbidities that will take her and she will only pass once her brain is no longer capable of sustaining her body. Several articles I’ve read indicate this very last sub stage can last quite a long time, most dementia patients die before they reach this last sub stage. She clearly has no quality of life.

ghphotog

I understand, my DW is in the "exact" same stage. Can't walk, can't keep her head straight, sleeps in the geri-chair all day, mumbles incoherent words, can't feed herself. . . . .
I'm always trying to find things that can help make her more comfortable in the geri-chair. If it wasn't the chair she would be stuck in bed 24-7.
Today is our anniversary and means nothing, does not register, to her but we lost that connection years ago.

Russinator

So sorry for you. My DW is in 3/4 and doing okay. I know we'll go through what you and others are doing before too long - it scares me.

fmb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/230281#Comment_230281

Sending blessings on your anniversary. Back when we promised to love and honor in sickness and in health until death we do part, we had no idea that things would turn out like this. Being there for her and always looking out for her welfare is what true love is. While it is a bittersweet day for you, try to remember the good times and all the wonderful reasons you married her. (hugs)

SPin-need

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71377/want-to-get-this-off-of-my-chest

we are not there yet with my DH but I know this is coming and it also weighs heavily on me, I so appreciate you sharing and giving voice to the private thoughts I’ve been having. I have no answer just a promise that I will keep you in my thoughts and send strength and comfort your way,

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71377/want-to-get-this-off-of-my-chest

I’m not there yet with my DH, but I did help care for my MIL with dementia. I remember well how I felt seeing her in the same state as your DW. I would tell my husband that was not quality of life and I wished I could put her out of her misery. Some days she would just howl. We are only human and we all know we wouldn’t want to live like that. Thank goodness this is a safe place to post those feelings we all go through that would most likely shock those unaware of the burden on the caregivers.