Everyone is his Friend

MarDel0917

My SO who is 45 EOA thinks he knows everyone when we go out to the store or in public. Most people are receptive and understanding. I feel that since he doesn't go to the store as much as he used to and isn't exposed to the public this is a reaction? However I have also read that this is a part of the disease. He has also started talking to the TV (best babysitter ever btw) and pictures. We just attempted Costco and i lost track of him and he was saying hi to a lady and I went over and grabbed him. Costco is slammed packed today so we came back to the car while my parents do their shopping. I even tried reminding him that not everyone knows him (yes they do he says at me with big eyes) and to stay close. So here we sit in the car, I even put the kid lock on his door and he is staring out the window like a sad puppy just watching all the people. It breaks my heart but I am picking my battles today. He is on memantine, sertraline and quetiapine. Is there any other med that doesn't cause drowsiness and isn't a controlled substance. Anyone try hydroxzine or guanfacine? I will ask his geriatric psychiatrist on Thursday but jsut windeing if anyone has any experience with this type of situation(s). I don't want him to be out of it or in a daze. He deserves better than that as he is still so young. I just want to be able to take him out on public and him be somewhat complacent. I know this is still a long hard road and we may have kissed those days goodbye but I still love my honey and want some type of normalcy if even for one shopping visit a month.

We are all in this together 💜

JoseyWales

My husband did exactly the same thing! Except he thought that everyone enjoyed talking to him, and DH explained to me that he was making people happy by talking to them. Like you said, most people were kind about it, with me just holding onto his arm giving the poor people that look to let them know that yes, my husband has a problem. But I remember one day when DH went to talk with a young man with cognitive disabilities who was shopping with his mom. DH and the young man stood and talked for about 15 minutes, with the man's mom and I just standing back and letting them talk. She gave me the biggest smile. Sometimes people get "overlooked" in our society, and on that day her son was important to someone else.

There are several other incidents that didn't go as well, and a few people who told DH off. Not the best times. But I figure it was their problem, as I was always there to get DH to continue on our shopping trip.

Biggles

These are stories of love and joy in a difficult situation. The caring and love makes my heart melt. My DH is 77 and so slightly different to your story. I love shopping together it is always short he gets tired and we hold hands and I have to pull him along with our support puppy on a leash just to complicate things even more. We sit and have a milkshake and I look into his vacant eyes and I just love him. He enjoys the people, who he will chat to if he can, the colour and action in the shopping centre. I protect him and only care for his and my well being. I loved your story and the comment from JoseyWales thank you, take care.

Biggles

blacksparky

my DW also has EOAD. She is 55 now. She will talk to anyone at the grocery store or Costco. I just let her talk away as she enjoys it and everyone is very good at her rambling on. She also talks to her phone while on Facebook just as it were a friend she is talking to. This gives me time to reenergize myself. Someone made a suggestion to me to get business cards made that says my wife had Alzheimer’s. I then can hand them the card to let them know instead of explaining it to them verbally. What does everyone think of this idea?

Carl46

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/230201#Comment_230201

It's on my list to do. It keeps you from having to say the A word in front of your LO, and lets people know what's going on.

harshedbuzz

@MarDel0917 said:
"He is on memantine, sertraline and quetiapine. Is there any other med that doesn't cause drowsiness and isn't a controlled substance. Anyone try hydroxzine or guanfacine? I will ask his geriatric psychiatrist on Thursday but jsut windeing if anyone has any experience with this type of situation(s). "

I'm a little confused. The 2 psychoactive medications he's taking are generally prescribed for anxiety and agitation. Does he have a history or tendency to either? Most PWD do adjust to an antipsychotic's drowsiness at lower doses. You could ask about lowering the dose if the behaviors are well controlled. Sometimes, however, you do trade some alertness for relief from agitation they are unable to process. Another thought would be to ask the doctor about a medication to activate him a bit. Dad's geripsych added Wellbutrin to his Prozac and Seroquel which did help a bit.

TBH, I would expect hydroxzine to be more sedating than either a SSRI and/or atypical antipsychotic. It's more often prescribed for a short-term or situational anxiety. Guanfacine is an old-school BP med that's sometimes used for kids with ADHD (especially with hyperactivity). My son, an alphabet-soup kid, trialed it when he was in elementary school. Our experience was that it made him very lethargic and miserable. YMMV. There are some geripsychs who will prescribe a low dose stimulant in very early dementia to improve focus but then you'd be getting into a controlled substance, and it sounds like he might be beyond the stage where this is done.

His behavior of chatting up strangers and the TV aren't generally addressable via medication. So long as he's not distressed by it, it might be better to give him opportunities to socialize in safer settings. I know it must be really difficult to see a man so very young in the kind of setting generally associated with the elderly, but a day program or dementia cafe could be a safe place for him to be engaged and have his social needs met. Sometimes you have to meet someone where they are.

HB

Jazzma

I hand out business cards when DH starts talking to someone or I have to go with him to a public bathroom. They're easy to make (you can buy the pre-perforated heavy paper, and it comes with instructions on how to print). Mine say "The person I am with has dementia. Please be patient and kind. His name is ____." People are uniformly kind to him, and will often call him by name and wish him the best.

CampCarol

I also have business cards, similar to Jazzma’s above. They have been very helpful. Every once in a while, he’ll see me giving one out (I try to be surreptitious) and ask what it is. I’ve never told him - I usually tell a fiblet based on the situation: it’s a coupon (this is what I most often use) or if we’re in a medical situation, it’s a list of questions for the doctor. Works well.

jsps139_

My DH thinks he went to High School with EVERYONE. He thinks he went to High School with our apartment manager … he’s 80 and she’s 40. He says that he went to High School with people on TV too. This has been going on for years.

debriesea

Just recently I made a business size card that says ALZHEIMER’S that I keep behind my credit card in my iphone wallet. My plan is to casually pull it and hold it on the back of my case pointing toward the person so they can glance at it. I’ve only tried it with family so far without DH around to see how it would work. Initially I wrote more on it as suggested and found family was taking too long to read it which could make my DH wonder what they were looking at. I hope it works ok with strangers.

DWTired

My DH does too. He watches Fox News and say he knows people he sees in the background. I just say really? Did you work with them?

He will walk up to people to and say don't I know you? I just let him talk and make a new friend!

scott48foster

Oh wow, learning so much. My DW who is 56, when in public talks to everyone and every person she sees on the sidewalk of our beach town she thinks she sees them every day. The tip about the card letting the people know is what I need, she’s really sweet the look on the people’s faces is total confusion sometimes. We live on a green on a golf course and she looks out the back and says oh they’re here again today, aren’t those your friends right there?