Ambiguous Grief

Dunno

Bill recently used the term "ambiguous grief," and I didn't know what it meant. Here's what some Googling turned up: …search results for the meaning and symptoms of dementia and caregivers' ambiguous grief.

Ambiguous Grief in Dementia Caregiving:

• Physical Presence, Psychological Absence: Dementia causes a gradual loss of cognitive function, leading to a situation where the loved one is physically present but psychologically absent. This creates a sense of loss and grief as the person you once knew slowly fades away.
• Uncertain Timeline: Unlike a terminal illness with a predictable timeline, dementia progresses at different rates for each individual. This uncertainty can make it difficult to process the loss and plan for the future.
• Lack of Recognition and Support: Ambiguous grief is often not recognized or validated by others, leaving caregivers feeling isolated and alone in their experience. Friends and family may not understand the depth of their loss, as the person with dementia is still physically present.

Coping with Ambiguous Grief as a Dementia Caregiver:

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the person you once knew. It's okay to feel sad, angry, or confused.
• Find a Support System: Connect with other dementia caregivers who understand your unique experience. Support groups and online communities can provide valuable support and understanding.
• Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your own well-being by taking breaks, engaging in activities you enjoy, and seeking professional help if needed.
• Seek Professional Help: A therapist can help you process your grief, develop coping strategies, and manage stress.
• Focus on the Present: While it's important to acknowledge the past, try to focus on creating positive experiences in the present moment with your loved one.
• Accept the Changes: As the disease progresses, it's important to accept the changes in your loved one's behavior and personality..

the shoe fits :)

fmb

Pauline Boss, who coined the term "ambiguous loss", wrote a very good book about ambiguous loss and grief in dementia caregiving entitled "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope while Coping with Stress and Grief". I highly recommend this book.

Ambiguous loss is not commonly acknowledged by our western society. It is difficult to find a therapist who understands it. Common grief support programs (Grief Share, for example) do not recognize it at all, as I found out when I tried to enroll in one of their programs and was told that they couldn't help me because my DH wasn't dead yet.

There are no societal rituals that acknowledge this type of grief. People do not know what to say or do, or worse yet, say the wrong things ("At least he's still alive."). In my experience, this type of grief does not fade over time, but instead builds and builds, often for years, as we witness and endure the thousands of little losses that slowly erode the very person of our loved one suffering from dementia. Every time I think I can't possibly grieve any more, there is another loss. Some large: He doesn't know who I am, for example, and some small. And just when I think I've finally become numb enough to not be fazed by any more losses, another one comes along. Then they tell us that is nothing compared to the final loss, the cessation of life in the body that once housed our loved one.

(DH: Stage 7 ALZ, CHF, stroke. Been on this journey for over 10 years. Burnt out and exhausted.)

Dunno

the name Pauline Boss popped up a couple times in my search. I bought her book Loving Someone Who Has Dementia was 12 bucks on amazon. Thanks. I understand being burned out and confused. hang in there!