Sudden changes

ESkayP

My mother's birthday was early November, and that's the last time she seemed almost like herself. She soon became verbally aggressive and anxious. After a false negative test result, she was finally diagnosed with a UTI. It was treated. Since then she's changed. She's not keeping up her appearance now. She looks dishevelled, and sometimes her clothes have spots on them like she's spilled something or wiped her hands on them. She takes things out of her room and leaves them on shelves and tables in the common areas. She stuffs her belongings in pillow cases as if she's packing. She forgot what the word pajamas means. She doesn't understand how to read her calendar anymore. She doesn't talk to me about how she used to be a teacher or how her photo album is a comfort to her anymore. Last weekend, I put up the same tree she had last year with the same ornaments. She loved it so much last year. This time, she fretted the whole time and asked me what she was supposed to do with it. I told her she could just enjoy it, but I had a feeling she would take it down when I left. The staff called me on my way home from work tonight. Not only did she take it down, she basically destroyed it. It was pre-lit, and she ripped the strands away from the branches in several places. She told the staff that Christmas was already over. She said the same to me when I was putting it up. I couldn't convince her otherwise. I keep forgetting to meet her where she is. I keep thinking that something as major as Christmas which she has loved since childhood would stay with her a little longer in spite of this hideous disease. But no. It's gone too. I'm having a lot of difficulty watching this happen so fast.

Quilting brings calm

Are you sure the UTI is totally gone, because what you are describing sounds like it isn’t. Doctors kept denying mom had a UTI 5 years ago. Home health told me to take her to an actual nursing home because she was in the late stages dementia. Could barely stand, was hallucinating, delusional, paranoid, slept 15 minutes at a time, shadowed us non-stop. We took her back to our home state to the hospital ( without even going home). They diagnosed her with urosepsis. She spent a week in the hospital, and a month in rehab. Then moved into the AL. It took several months for her confusion to improve. She never got totally back to where she was before the UTI.

Having said that, it’s also possible she is just declining that fast. It does happen.

Emily 123

Hi,

It is tough to see. I agree with QBC.

Mom had a UTI in October and fell/broken hip, picked up another UTI in rehab right before going back to her MC. It can take weeks to recover from a UTI—my mom starts showing new later stage behaviors— and in the meantime the disease progresses.

I'd have her checked again

I just don't know how any of us can prevent constant UTI's when dementia makes it difficult to guarantee good hygiene and incontinence is present. Plus the dementia makes it hard for me to know what's incipient UTI behavior vs. just a bad dementia day vs. progression.

Hang in there—you tried really hard to do a lovely thing for your mom. It always stinks when the disease prevents someone from enjoying something nice.

psg712

Agree with testing again for UTI. The one time that my mom got physically aggressive with staff, she had a UTI.

That said, I know how it feels when they begin to lose all memory of their history and don't care anymore about things (or people) who were once dear to them. It could be progression of the dementia. I hope that you and your mom's caregivers can sort this out.

Sad for you about the Christmas tree. It happened to us last year when mom was in rehab after covid ... she sat right next to a decorated tree and could not tell us what holiday it was. This year she looked at an artist's rendering of the nativity and could not identify it or the holiday connected with it. Heartbreaking.

ESkayP

Thanks for the insight, everyone. I didn't realize how long it would take for her to recuperate. I will speak to the staff and request a follow up UTI test. I know that the prognosis for dementia is incredibly varied, but I'm always a little surprised how common some of our experiences are. I understand how a person could forget names and places, but how does a person forget Christmas!? It's like landing on Earth from another planet. I'm seeing the boundaries of my own limited perception. I have to learn to look at things so differently.

jjgveloz

You did a really loving thing for your mom. This is my first time on this support site and yours was the first topic that I read. How you are feeling is normal but heartbreaking and I’m right there with you. It feels like the person I’ve known my whole life has disappeared and that this is a stranger that I’m grasping to connect with who looks like my mom but behaves nothing like her. Like landing on earth from another planet is a great description of what this awful disease does to our loved ones.